Operation Chocolate Chip Cookie: Trial 7

Today was my first foray into baking chocolate chip cookies with walnuts. Or any nuts, for that matter. This morning, I baked Chocolate Chip Cookies V from my Search for the Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe book. Check out the picture:

I was really excited to bake these cookies. They were made with butter, plenty of vanilla, and a 2 to 1 brown sugar to white sugar ratio. I expected a lot from these cookies. Unfortunately, they did not turn out as well as I would have liked. The walnut taste was subtle, and the texture of the walnuts were lost in the cookie. These cookies were soft, yet a tiny bit crispy on the edges which Casey appreciated. The cookies received some rave reviews, but this isn't particularly different than the feedback from the previous trials. As I said before, I think that my friends just enjoy eating the cookies and can't really discern any differences. These cookies were Heidi's favorite and while she really liked the walnuts, she requested more chocolate chips in the next batch.

Hunter in the Outfield

The last time I saw Torii Hunter in center field in Angels Stadium, he was wearing a Twins uniform. Tonight, there he was, dressed all in red and white. I went to my first Angels game this season; we played the Blue Jays, and we lost- badly. Nevertheless, my friend and I had a great time.

We have 2 more weeks until it is officially summer, so I am staying focused and powering through to the end. I have 2 research designs to write, a stats final, a short stats research paper, and the ever-looming qualifying paper on my agenda for the rest of the quarter. Today was a good day- one of my friends taught me an advanced stats technique that will be useful for my qualifier, and we had a guacamole face-off in the Race/Ethnicity/Gender work group meeting. LD and I squared off, and damn, he makes a mean guacamole. Next up? A bake off with MP in the fall.

Yesterday, one of my friends shared an important piece of advice. See, our department is fairly uncompetitive- we don't compete for funding, we help each other out, and we have a great community. Yet, there is still this subtle element of competitiveness- nobody wants to feel left behind, and because we interact with other and can follow each other's progress, it is easy to start comparing ourselves. My friend reminded me that when we go on the job market, we aren't competing with each other. We're competing with other grad students in our fields at other schools. We're competing with people that we don't even know, don't interact with, and can't even see. So, I'm taking this advice to heart, and reminding myself that I'm competing with some person who studies Women and Politics at some other institution. That is my true competitor, not the peers around me.

I Left my Heart in San Francisco

I love cities. I love the tall buildings, the congested streets, the noise, and all the people. I've been to Chicago and now San Francisco in the past few months, and the visits always remind me of my New York City days and how much I miss living in a city. Anyway, I was in San Francisco for a statistics workshop- a 2-day class in logistic regression. I wasn't sure how I would enjoy learning stats in this quick, super condensed format, but I really enjoyed it. I didn't feel rushed, and I was able to focus on learning the material without having any other distractions. The workshop was during the day, so I had the evenings to go out and explore the city.

Here is a recap of my trip: On the first evening, I went to Chinatown. It was fun to walk around and duck into all of the little shops lining the street. This was also my first exposure to all of the hills in San Francisco. They were so, so steep and they reminded me of "Thighmaster Hill" (nicknamed for its steep steps up to the treehouses) from my days working at Girl Scout Camp in Minnesota.

I walked through Chinatown a bit in reverse and came upon the entrance on my way out:

The following day, I went to Pier 7, which is supposedly the longest public pier in San Francisco. The view was beautiful!

Afterwards, I went to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. I love modern art, especially the kind that makes you scratch your head in confusion. I love absorbing the photographs, the paintings, and the sculptures in an attempt to decipher their many layers of meanings. There was a great photography exhibit, yet another reminder of my art school days in New York. On my last day, I headed up to Fisherman's Wharf. My transportation of choice: the infamous Cable Car.

My first stop was to the legendary Crookedest Street, named for its 8 hairpin curves. I walked down the street- the homes were beautiful and so were the greenery and flowers. Interestingly, I later learned that my parents had driven down this street about 7 years ago.

My first stop at Fisherman's Wharf was at Pier 39. Very touristy, there were 2 levels of shops and restaurants.

Pier 39 is also home to the many, many sea lions lounging on the docks. They are so adorable! Okay, this one looks sleepy and calm, but he/she was not the norm- these sea lions were quite rambunctious and noisy!

I toured the SS Jeremiah O'Brien and the USS Pampanito Submarine. I mean, how could I pass up the SS Jeremiah? It was built by Rosie the Riveter! You know, the cultural icon used to empower women to work outside the home to support the war effort, only to be persuaded to return to the home after the war...all right, I digress. The ship and the submarine were fun to explore, but I decided that a sea life isn't for me- it was hard to stay balanced as I walked around and the living arrangements were way too close for comfort for me.

Okay, so I took this picture the previous evening when I stopped for dinner at the Boudin bakery for the legendary clam chowder in a breadbowl. (In a moment, you will see why I've placed the picture here.) This family bakery was founded in the mid 1800s, and it put sourdough bread on the map. Anyway, the bread was excellent- nice and chewy. The clam chowder was quite good as well.

Fisherman's Wharf houses the Boudin Bakery and Museum. There is a restaurant, a market and gift shop, and a museum complete with a bakery tour. Of course, I could not resist this! Below is a photo of a piece of the bread baking production. I had only one question after this tour: Why are there no woman bakers? I scanned a wall full of photos of all the bakers and I could not find one woman. I digress again... anyway, it was cool to read all about the history of San Francisco and the bakery.

After a long day at Fisherman's Wharf, I took the Cable Car back to my hotel. (On a side note, I learned the hard way that the cable cars aren't so much a mode of transportation as just a fun tourist activity. The line was long, the ride back to the hotel seemed to take forever, and I came very, very close to missing my plane. So close that I got paged to go to the gate immediately for boarding. Yeah, that close.) Anyway, the cable car was still fun, really. This time, I snagged a spot in the front of the standing area. It was almost like being in the first car of a roller coaster. Except not as terrifying.

My quick trip to San Francisco was a lot of fun. I'm ready to head back- hopefully soon!

Not in SoCal Anymore...

I just got back from a quick trip up to San Francisco, which I will be sharing with you in the next few posts. So, I've never been north of LA, so quite a few of my friends told me that San Francisco would be really cold and they instructed me to pack a sweatshirt and jacket. Ha! I thought. I'm from Minnesota, which is like the get-out-of-jail free card of weather. I laugh at people's definition of "cold." Well, the weather in Irvine had been really warm, but I heeded my friends' advice anyway. I'm glad that I did; otherwise, I would have packed a bunch of skirts and would have been totally SOL.

I will concede that it was colder in San Francisco than in Irvine, but I wouldn't say that it was cold. When I got off the plane, I could immediately tell that the weather was a bit chilly and that the wind was brisk. I was glad that I packed a sweatshirt, but the days were so warm that I didn't need it. Anyway, this experience reminded me of trips up to Duluth because southern Minnesota is always warmer than northern Minnesota, and it seems that it's the same in California. Of course, that all makes sense, except that the definition of "cold" is relative to each state.

Another thing that I noticed about San Francisco is that people don't drive as fast and crazy as those in Southern California. I mean, I actually thought that I would feel comfortable driving in San Francisco. I wouldn't feel as though I were going to die if I got behind the wheel. Someday I will tell you the story of how I drove from LA to Irvine. Well, I guess someday could be now. So, my first trip to California was for my UCI Political Science recruitment day. This was after I had been accepted to UCI, but before I had officially decided to attend. As I mentioned in an earlier post, recruitment is a time when prospective grad students visit the school, meet professors, and talk to current grad students to determine if the school is a good fit.

I flew into LAX and decided to rent a car and drive down to Irvine. It was about midnight, and there were a lot of cars on the road. A lot. At midnight. Where the hell were they going? I have no idea. Anyway, there was so much traffic and like a million freeway lanes (okay, maybe 6 or 7). I had never driven in so much traffic and in so many freeway lanes before. So, I made it down to Irvine just fine, even though driving was a pretty scary experience. The next day, I noticed that my forearms were really sore, as if I'd been lifting weights. I thought that this was pretty peculiar, until I got into the driver's seat the next day to drive back to LA. It turns out that I was gripping the steering wheel so hard on the drive to Irvine that I was actually sore the next day. So, anytime anyone is incredulous that I don't drive and lack a car, I tell them this story to illustrate how scary driving is for me.

So, now you have the story. I'll fill you in on the details of my San Francisco trip later this weekend. I'll add it to my long to-do list.

Be Your Own Agenda (or something like that)

On Grey's Anatomy, its called the "Dark Spot." In grad school, I call it Week 8. and Week 9. And Week 10. I'm not sure what is meant by the dark spot on Grey's Anatomy, but for me, the dark spot is the end of the quarter. It's when I have to start juggling course work with writing course papers. It's when I know that I have a lot to do, and I have no idea how it's all going to get done. I usually try to tell myself that it will all get done, but sometimes this isn't true (I took an incomplete last quarter).

I met with DM today. I had not seen him since last fall, and even though I've met with him only a few times, I seem to meet him when I'm in the dark spot. Today, I was upset because I was trying to churn out a new draft of my qualifier in less than a week. It was an ambitious goal, and DM agreed. Anyway, it didn't get done, but it's probably for the best. After meeting with DM, I have a clearer sense of what I need to do in my next revision. Both KB and DM say that I am very close to have my qualifier signed off. It's been such a long process, and I'm just frustrated that I'm not done yet. I have found that the qualifying paper process is frustrating because I don't get to decide when the paper is complete. With a class paper, I can just turn it in and decide that I'm done. Not so with a qualifier- KB and DM are the ones to decide when it satisfies the qualifier criteria.

I have had some great meetings with DM, and today was no different. He really cares about his students, and I feel that he's looking out for me. He asks me questions about my research interests as if he's really trying to figure me out so that he can best advise me. He asks what drives my research, what I really care about, and what kind of political scientist I want to be. DM offered a bunch of opportunities to me. He offered me a couple data sets and an opportunity to RA for him this summer. DM is great, and one thing that I like is that he is careful not to pressure me into taking on projects that do not interest me. He always lets me know that he's not trying to persuade me and that he does not have an agenda. This is good because I hate feeling pressured, and I dislike when I get the sense that professors have their own agendas when they meet with me.

DM had a couple pieces of great advice for me. First, he said that I should be using my classes as catapults for qualifying papers. I should be using the classes to start papers or to continue work on papers that can be qualifying papers. This way, I'm not starting the qualifying paper process from scratch. Another piece of valuable advice is that I should be my own agenda. Or something like that. I forgot to write it down. So basically, DM says that I should be in grad school for myself and that I should be pursuing projects for myself and research that I'm interested in. He told me not to let anyone try to sway me with their agenda. It was great advice. I've heard different versions of this, but his advice resonated with me today.

So, something that I think about while I'm here is what kind of teacher I want to be. I think that KB and DM can sense my frustration with my qualifier and that I'm feeling discouraged. The process has been so long, and at times it can feel that I'm not moving forward. In the past week, they have both reassured me of how far I have come, how much I've improved, and how much I've learned. That's the kind of teacher that I want to be. I want to be the teacher that motivates students. They've pushed me and they've had high expectations of me, but they encourage me and they help me, but most of all they remind me that I am making progress.

DM was optimistic and had a lot of good things to say. He said that he's impressed by how much I've learned and that he was so impressed by my work ethic that he offered me an RA opportunity this summer. Sometimes we hear so much criticism in grad school that we don't even recognize a compliment. I realized this when DM had to point out to me when he was saying good things about me. I'm flattered, but I can't help but wonder when he's going to realize that I'm not as smart as he seems to think that I am. I feel bad saying this, and I need to change my mentality. It wasn't so long ago that women in grad school experienced sexism, discrimination, and obstacles that prevented their success in the program. So, I should feel good and not be so negative when a professor expresses interest in my academic progress and believes in me.

Not a One-Trick Pony

So after being convinced and convincing myself that I must be a one-trick pony only concerned with reproductive rights, it turns out that that is not the case. If you recall, I was deep in the 2nd year slump at the end of the winter quarter. I was questioning whether or not this was the right path for me and if I genuinely enjoyed doing research. I was so convinced that grad school was not for me. I wasn't considering leaving the program, but I was definitely having some doubts.

I talked about the slump with a lot of older grad students. They told me that they too had experienced the slump and that it is not uncommon to experience uncertainty and to question whether or not grad school was the right path. They reassured me that I would pull through it and that things would get better. At the time, I was not convinced. I seriously believed that I would get a Master's and look for a career in public policy. After talking to MP about non-academic career possibilities, he told me that having a Ph.D. would open up doors in the public policy world. So, I thought that I could stick it out and tolerate the research hurdles for a non-academic job.

It is the 7th week of the quarter, and I just realized that I can't remember the last time that I asked myself what I am doing in grad school. This is a good sign. Maybe the older grad students were right after all. The feedback on my qualifier has been positive and encouraging, I'm making steady progress, and I'm even starting to enjoy the process. I'm eager to get this paper signed off on so I can just be done, and so I can move on to my second one. In my classes, I've reached the point where I need to start working on my class papers. As I've been thinking about my next move, a surprising thing has occurred: I actually want to take a break from abortion politics and explore another research area. I mean, I have ideas for more projects having to do with abortion, but I'm ready to learn something new. Maybe I'm not the one-trick pony that I thought I was. So, I've been doing some reading on birthright citizenship, women and immigration, and sexuality. We'll see where this all takes me next.

Operation Chocolate Chip Cookie: Trial 6

Still on the chocolate chip cookie mission. This time, I made Double Chocolate Chip Cookies II from The Search for the Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie. The recipe promised soft and chewy cookies, but I was quite paranoid that I was going to overbake the cookies and end up with crunchy ones. These cookies get their chocolate flavor from lots of cocoa and then their texture from the chocolate chips. Check out the picture:

These cookies are rich, soft, a bit delicate and almost like a brownie. Heidi appreciated that the cookie was not overpowering. I made plenty of cookies to go around: Danielle took a bunch to her lab and I gave KB and LD a special stash. To be clear, I'm not bribing my professors. Rather, I'm extending a thank you and doing a nice gesture- KB has been a great mentor so far through this qualifier process and LD just wrote me a letter of support for summer funding. Plus, I just like baking and it makes people so happy. Really. It seems like such a small gesture, but people love homemade goodies. Anyway, this cookie was great and got rave reviews. All of my cookies have received great feedback so far; Of course, I doubt that anyone will actually tell me that I've found the perfect chocolate chip cookie because that would mean that the mission is over.

Feminist Methodologies

Yesterday, we had a group presentation in my Interpretive/Qualitative Methods class. See, the class divided into 4 groups (ethnography, feminist methodologies, process-tracing/genealogy, and discourse analysis) and each group presents a different methodology. We were the feminist methodology group. In a nutshell: feminist methodologies is a guiding practice, not necessarily a particular method. It is a methodology that challenges existing power inequities in order to empower women and marginalized people.

Historically, women have been absent and rendered invisible in political science research. However, research shows that women are not apolitical. This demonstrates that the justifications used to exclude women were based upon the social construction of gender and gender role socialization, not natural and immutable differences between women and men. Previous research operated under the assumption that men were the norm and that research was gender neutral and universal. However, we see that this is not the case and that gender is an important category of analysis because it shows that women do not neatly fit into existing frameworks and structures. Furthermore, there is not a universal "woman" or "man," so we need to recognize cleavages resulting from racial, ethnic, and class differences among women and men. To account for this, intersectionality (the idea that we have multiple identities and can be simultaneously privileged and marginalized) has emerged as a category of analysis to account for these multiple identities.

Our presentation went really well, and I enjoyed exposing the class to this perspective. I truly enjoy any opportunity to teach others about my research interests and introduce them to feminist theory. Yet, there seemed to be some resistance to feminist methodologies, which was to be expected. Although it may seem counterintuitive to highlight the differences revolving around race, gender, class, ethnicity, and sexuality, it is important to do so anyway. When we act as though everyone is the same, it is impossible to remedy the resulting inequalities, stratification, and oppressions that arise from political processes and institutional structures. So, this is why I study race and gender. It doesn't mean that I hate men or that I think white people are evil. It just means that a goal of my research is empower previously marginalized groups and challenge dominant paradigms.

Operation Chocolate Chip Cookie: Trial 5

I conducted my 5th trial in my search for the perfect chocolate chip cookie. This recipe came from my friend, Ashley, so I had to try it out immediately. As I mentioned before, I like trying out my friends' family recipes and baking them things that remind them of home. Of course I had to bake these cookies for Ashley. Anyway, it was my first dabble into making cookies with shortening. So, these cookies were beautiful- lots of chocolate chips, not too flat, seemingly perfect. However, the taste was subtle, and the cookies were crisp. Crunchy, in fact. Good dipped in milk, but not great, but it does bring me a bit closer to finding the perfect chocolate chip cookie. I'm not sure how I feel about the shortening- it was more bland than butter. To Ashley, these are the perfect chocolate chip cookies, and I was just glad that she was so happy that I made them.

In academic news, I turned in a new draft of my qualifier to KB and DM. I worked really hard on it this past weekend, and I'm confident that I've overcome my most recent plateau. I don't expect them to sign off just yet, but I'm hoping that this is the one before the ONE that gets signed off.

Geometry, Crossword Puzzles, and the Brain

I was in 9th grade, and it was the first day of school. I was sitting in my last class of the day, geometry, and my teacher, Mr. P, talked about crossword puzzles and the brain. After an entire day of going from class to class and getting this orientation of high school, it seemed so unreal and refreshing to be discussing something that was seemingly unrelated to geometry. Mr. P was this older man- super funny and he actually made geometry fun, enjoyable, and interesting. It was a great semester. Hands down, he is one of my favorite teachers and probably the best math teacher that I've ever had.

So, this is what Mr. P said: He told us this story of how he and his wife would do the crossword puzzle each morning. When they became stumped by some of the clues, they would take a break and set the puzzle aside. Later, completely out of the blue, Mr. P's wife would have this epiphany and have an answer to one of the clues. So, we spent the entire hour discussing whether or not the brain subconsciously wrestles with problems while we are not consciously thinking of them. In other words, is your brain thinking of a solution when you are not?

I had my own epiphany the other night. I was sitting in bed, late at night, reading a book. Suddenly, a metaphorical lightbulb went off in my head. See, I had received comments from KB and DM about my current draft of my qualifier. As usual, I am still struggling with figuring out exactly what it is that I want to say and how to organize my paper. The pieces seem to be there, but like a puzzle, I have to rearrange them so that they make sense. Anyway, as I was reading, I had my own epiphany and suddenly, I knew what I had to do to make my paper better. I grabbed a notebook, outlined, and quickly reworked my paper. I had been so busy this past week that I had not been consciously thinking about how to improve my paper. Had my brain been thinking of a solution all along? I could not help but to think back to the first day of 9th grade, geometry class, and Mr. P.

So, I think I've figured out where to go next in my paper. I'm going to rework it this weekend and send out new drafts to KB and DM on Monday. I hope that I am close to getting this signed off. See, a qualifying paper is anything that 2 professors will sign off on. The annoying thing is that I don't get to decide when I'm done. This is in contrast to a class paper, where I decide when it's done and just turn it in for a grade, any grade. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Operation Chocolate Chip Cookie: Trial 4

Yeah, yeah, if you've been paying attention, you will have noticed that I skipped Operation Chocolate Chip Cookie: Trial 3. Well, that version was a Bobby Flay recipe from the Food Network. The cookies were all right, soft, and cake-like. Also, they called for chopped dark chocolate. Even though I thought that I was leaving the pieces fairly large and chunky, apparently I didn't as the chocolate was sort of lost in the cake-like cookie. There, now you have a recap of Trial 3. Moving on to Trial 4...

Good news: I have recently purchased a book called "The Search for the Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie" by Gwen Steege. Here's the back story: There was in this inn that served chocolate chip cookies as a bedtime snack to its guests. In 1987, they sponsored a nationwide contest to find the very best chocolate chip cookie to serve. This book is a compilation of some of the best recipes and the winning recipe. There are many versions of the chocolate chip cookie and the chocolate-chocolate chip cookie in this book. There are also many, many variations. Today I made the Chocolate Chip Cookie I recipe.

These were good cookies- quick and easy to make make. The recipe called for equal parts of brown sugar and granulated sugar- a ratio that wasn't too bad. This was very, very similar to the Betty Crocker recipe. The cookies were buttery and soft in the middle with crisp edges. I omitted the nuts, because well, I didn't have any and I'm not sure if I like chocolate chip cookies with nuts. My poor-quality oven makes the mission for the best chocolate chip cookie quite a challenge-- the edges and bottoms of the cookies are done a lot quicker than the middle. I will have to play around with oven times and temperatures.

"These taste like my mom's," said a friend as he sampled this cookie. I trust that this is a compliment. Hey, I like baking anything for friends if it reminds them of home, loved ones, etc. I mean, seriously, I'd love it if someone, say, threw a snowball at me. Anyway, these cookies tasted better the next day- so, so soft and chewy. I'm going to stick with this book for now. Stay with me as I jump around and bake my way through the book. In other baking news, I have successfully baked carrot cake cupcakes. yup, the 3rd time must be the charm. Now if only I could say the same about Rice Krispy Treats-- I've tried making these 3 times and have been completely unsuccessful.

In academic news, my qualifier is coming along. I've hit a plateau and must get over it this week. Feedback has been good and has motivated me to keep going. We are halfway through the quarter, and I'm thinking ahead to class papers, the next qualifier, stats mid term, etc. By the way, I'm going to be in San Francisco in a few weeks for a stats workshop. I know, I know, super geeky, but I'm kind of excited to learn logistic regression.