an r & r

I'm going to take a moment and do some bragging on my blog. I mean, it is my blog, so I guess I can do this. I found out the other day that my paper on abortion rates received an R & R at a journal that will remain unnamed here. An R & R is a revise & resubmit, which means that I received a bunch of comments and suggestions from three anonymous reviewers; I must now take this feedback, revise my paper, and resubmit it to the journal. An R & R may be the best-case scenario in the journal submission process because well, it's better than an outright rejection, and an outright acceptance is pretty unlikely. So now I'll revise my paper, resubmit it, and cross my fingers for an acceptance!

By the way, this experience has given me a newfound appreciation for our qualifying paper process. Yes, we write three papers and sometimes it's frustrating that we must jump through these hoops to get a Ph.D., but seriously, the department isn't kidding when it says that this process prepares you for the journal submission process. For my qualifiers, I had to work with two professors on a paper, I got their feedback on each draft, and I revised my paper until they signed off and approved it. Sound familiar? Keep your fingers crossed for me!

getting published

Amid all of the DC activity, I forgot to tell you that this paper that I and two coauthors sent out for review in April was accepted for publication. We found out a couple weeks ago, and it will come out in September. Go us!

under review

Today, 2 fellow graduate students and I sent out our paper for journal submission. We worked incredibly hard over the last month and basically wrote an entire paper to make the April 30th deadline. I learned a lot in the past month about writing, editing, journal submission, and linear growth curve models. It is a relief to have sent it off, but of course, I have other stuff to work on. All right, that's all I've got for now.

29 pages

I know that this is counterintuitive, but I am glad that the weekend is over. Why? Because I spent last weekend working on two papers. I finally got a draft of my anti-rape paper to DM, on Monday, as promised. It was 29 pages. I had no idea that I could write that many pages. You see, when professors impose any sort of page number expectations for class papers, I'm always the person that comes up short. So, you can see my surprise.

I'm working on a paper with 2 other people, and we have been working hard this past week, writing and editing. Here's a funny story: One of the coauthors, Chris, and I were editing the introduction today. (side note: His fiance, K, and I are both DM's students, and DM challenges us to be good, clear writers) So, Chris and I were going through the intro, word for word. At one particular point, I said we need to clean up a paragraph because there were too many different points in it. I also said that we need to start off with a topic sentence that reflects the content of the entire paragraph. (obviously, this is stuff that I've learned to do from DM) And you know what Chris said? He said that this is exactly how K writes too! Good story. I thought it was really funny, and I had to share it with you.

anti anti-rape backlash

I thought that paying $70 for a haircut would have been the 2nd most annoying thing to happen to me this past week. But then I was reading at Peet's tonight, and this dumbass decided to start a conversation about the book I was reading, Fraternity Gang Rape. When he asked about the book, I explained that I was studying the anti-rape movement. Then he asked if there was there ever a pro-rape movement. (this is the usual follow up question) This guy said that everyone agrees that rape is wrong. I told him that the anti-rape movement emerged in the early 1970s, when rape was a taboo subject, violence against women wasn't necessarily wrong, and it was believed that women did not have the right to bodily integrity. So then the guy says that if he had been alive fifty years ago, he would be able to rape women. He said this quite seriously. I'm not sure if he was sorry that he wasn't alive fifty years ago. I gave him the evil eye and returned to my book.

Okay, so there isn't a pro-rape movement, but in the early 1990s, anti anti-rape backlash emerged. I just finished reading Katie Roiphe's "The Morning After: Sex, Fear, and Feminism on Campus." She (poorly) critiques feminists for creating a culture of fear and date rape hysteria on college campuses. Roiphe is skeptical of statistics that report the number of women who are victims of rape and sexual assault, and she says that women are responsible for their actions and must be held accountable. She actually says that one woman's version of rape may be another's bad night.

So while nobody may explicitly condone rape, it's not so clear cut. When we conceptualize rape as an act committed by a stranger, jumping out from behind a bush, attacking a woman, we are likely to perceive this as "real rape." But, the line gets more blurry when the rapist is an acquaintance, a date, a spouse or when the woman is drinking, wearing revealing clothing, out late at night alone, etc. The anti anti-rape backlash isn't a necessarily a phenomenon that emerged in the early 90s; rather, society has always been critical of rape accusations and has placed some degree of responsibility and agency on the woman. Society and the legal and criminal justice system place the onus to prevent rape upon the woman. Consequently, many rapes go unreported.

In other news, I saw the Vagina Monologues this weekend, which was lots of fun, empowering, and pretty cool. Um, what else? I cleaned my apartment and I did some yoga. I'm pretty excited that I can do the full wheel now and headstands too. And, I bought a big bag of Sour Patch Kids tonight. That is all.

random thoughts

It has been about 15 years since I was in gymnastics, and I've realized that I can no longer do handstands and bridges like I used to. Tragic. I used to be able to do backbends and backwalkovers, and now I can barely do a handstand against the wall. Yesterday in yoga I learned that I can no longer do these gymnastic-y skills. BUT despite my lack of upper body strength, I can do crow, I am getting more flexible, and I feel my muscles getting stronger everyday. Stay tuned for the day that I can do handstands and bridges again.

I really have nothing exciting to say, but you probably already figured that out. Yesterday, we had our first Race/Ethnicity/Gender group meeting, and I presented my abortion rates paper. I got some good feedback. The next step will be revisions; then I'll send it out to see if it finds a home in some journal.

I made some awesome Sweet and Sour Chicken the other day. Try this recipe. It was so amazingly good; my words just aren't doing it justice.

8/8/08

So, I have a confession to make. I'm a nerd. Totally geeky. How geeky, you ask? Last night a couple friends and I got together for pizza, beer, and the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics. I love all these Olympic. In fact, in bums me out that I'm not home right now, glued to the TV. Because I'm sharing a house right now with about 15 people, I can't have a monopoly over the TV. And oh yeah, I'm also doing lots and lots of stats homework.

Anyway, here's where the geek part comes in. While my friends and I were sitting there talking about how much we loved the Olympics, I was trying to think of ways to tie it into my research. Seriously. I actually gave some thought to this. And shared it with my friends. So, here's what I was thinking: When did the Olympics become political? In the past, countries have boycotted, athletes have demonstrated, and then there was the massacre in Munich in 1972. This year, demonstrators staged protests during the Olympic torch relay runs. And, Iraq almost didn't get to go to the Olympics. All right, I might be missing other events, but I'll move on.

Let's talk about citizenship and representation of a country. Many athletes (Michael Phleps, Shawn Johnson) are citizens of their home countries, train there, and represent their home countries. However, there are several (Adam Harris, Yao Ming) with dual citizenship and choose to represent a country other than the one in which they live and train. What does this say about allegiance, membership, and identity?

Finally, (and this is my personal favorite and gripe) this is what I have to say to the media: enough about all the mothers on the Olympic team. Seriously. Just stop it. Now, I'm a fan of Jennie Finch and Dara Torres too. Really, I think they're just great. But surely there are men (Bryan Clay) who are also combining fatherhood, training, and the Olympics. Where are they? As long as the media focuses on mothers, it exacerbates the notion that raising children is still a woman's job and not a man's. By glorifying Finch and Torres (but not Clay), the media is sending the message that they are extraordinary because they have been able to become Olympians despite being full time mothers. In contrast, Clay is not considered extraordinary because fatherhood is STILL considered to be a part time endeavor, and it is assumed that he has a partner (wife) who assumes child rearing responsibilities. So, the media may be doing something good (showing that women can be both athletes AND mothers), but it is still reinforcing gender roles and stereotypes by focusing on the accomplishments of the mothers and not the fathers.

All right, more on this later. I have to go do stats homework now.

A Day in the Life of...

It seems that I've been blogging a lot about baking. So, I guess that I'd better write something about grad school so you don't think I spend all of time baking cookies. Here goes:

Yesterday, I got my hair cut. This isn't particularly interesting, except that it highlighted how geeky I have become. See, when I'm surrounded by grad students and professors, I feel perfectly normal. (In fact, I feel more than normal and I like to mock the socially awkward grad students and professors.) Yet, when I'm around non academics, I am reminded of my nerdiness. So R, the guy who cut my hair, and I made some small talk. It was the 2nd time that I've seen him in the past 2 months, so he remembered me and that I am a grad student at UCI. He asked about my summer plans, and I told him that I was getting ready to go to Michigan for a month long class to learn statistics. "So, you're going to stats camp?" he asked. I replied yes, and I just could not keep a straight face. When it's said out loud and to a non-academic, it sounds so geeky! We had a good laugh. I promised to return later in the summer and tell him all about it.

So then R asked me what my typical days were like. Good question. I had to think about it. So, I told him what I did on Monday, which basically resembles a typical day:

7:30am- Wake up. Reset alarm so I can sleep 15 more minutes.
7:45am- Shut off alarm, lay in bed for a few more minutes, think about going back to sleep.
8:15am- Check email, read New York Times headlines.
8:30am- Read newspaper, eat breakfast, and drink lots of coffee.
9:15am- Bake cookies, double check to make sure that I'm prepared for my afternoon meeting with DM, edit and rewrite sections of my abortion rates paper.
11:00am- Walk to campus, check my mailbox, say hello to poli sci friends.
11:45am- Go to my office, talk to a friend.
12:30pm- Read books and take notes for my women in parliament paper.
2:15pm- Meet with DM.
3:30pm- Coffee and study date with a friend at Starbucks, continue editing and rewriting abortion rates paper.
6:30pm- Dinner and done for the day!

So, grad school is a pretty good gig. This has been my typical day this summer, except that I also work out either in the morning or in the evening. Oh, and I don't necessarily bake cookies everyday. I know it seems like I do, but I really don't. The flexible schedule is nice; I can take breaks to get my haircut, run errands, etc. Yet, this can be a double edged sword since it can be tough to stay motivated sometimes. This is why I try to have semi-structured days and I set little goals each day to stay on track. I'm still trying to figure out how I work and the best way to structure my days, but so far this has been working for me.

I finished up my women in parliament paper today, so that takes care of an incomplete from last winter. I am also getting ready to submit another draft of my qualifier before I leave for Michigan this weekend. And on a side note, I've started running again. I mean, jogging.

PS- to those of you who have requested the recipe for the Cinnamon Sugar Puff Cupcakes, I haven't forgotten about you! It's on my to-do list, and I'll get to it in the next couple days.

Data Collecting, Round ?

When I was a kid, I hated puzzles. I never had the patience to complete them. So, it seems counterintuitive that I chose to go to grad school. See, academics grapple with puzzles everyday, trying to come one step closer to solving them. At precisely 4:40 pm yesterday, I hated my qualifying paper. I remember this because I was sitting in Michele's office, venting, discouraged with the status of my paper and upset because it still wasn't done. I had just returned from a meeting with DM, who seemed to be excited and optimistic about this paper. Why didn't I share in his enthusiasm? Because I have a puzzle, and I don't know how to solve it. Because I don't know how to solve it, my paper is still incomplete.

So, I went home, did some free writing (a habit I learned in a high school writing class) and reflected on DM's suggestions for the paper. Later that night, I met Michele at the pub and she helped me figure out what I needed to do next to improve the paper. She reminded me (as DM did, too) that I was learning a lot through this process. So, one too many glasses of wine later, I had more clarity and fresh ideas to move the paper forward. At around 10:30 pm last night, I decided that I really like this paper and I'm excited that I may be coming one step closer to figuring out my puzzle. So, that's why I'm sitting here at my computer, nearly one year after starting this project, collecting more data.

Status update

Today, it came to my attention that I have had meetings with professors every single day this week. Busy, busy week. It's been a week of sorting things out and trying to figure out my next steps in the program and my plans for the summer. I met with KB and DM to talk about the status of my qualifying paper. On one hand, I'm ready to be done with it and move on. On the other hand, I am sort of grateful that KB and DM aren't so eager to just sign off and approve this paper. I'd rather have something that could possibly lead to a publication than something that won't go anywhere except my hard drive. So, I'm back to revising, editing, and re-organizing. My results aren't exactly what I expected, so I'm struggling with figuring out the angle I want to take. I'm still tweaking (it seems neverending), and I'm just trying to determine what kind of story I want to tell.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get my 2nd qualifier in the pipeline. This past quarter, I wrote a research design revolving around issues of national identity, immigration, birthright citizenship, women, and reproductive control in Ireland and the United States. An interesting thing happened last spring: I surprised myself by stepping back from abortion politics and exploring other research areas. So, I don't really know what will happen to this project. TS thinks it is a good idea, and LD thinks I need to do some more reading to develop the idea. I think this is a topic that may be more suitable for my 3rd qualifying paper (a literature review) and perhaps eventually a dissertation. So I've shifted gears and I may pursue a project about the anti-rape movement instead. Sometimes, it really feels like I have academic ADD. Seriously.

A couple things that I have learned thus far is that sometimes things don't go exactly as planned and everything takes longer to complete than anticipated. This is why I plan ahead, so then I'll be right on track. A year ago, I thought that my 1st qualifier was going to be about abortion attitudes. Instead, I shelved that project and my 1st qualifier is on abortion rates. This time around, I thought that the immigration and citizenship project would become my 2nd qualifier. Instead, it seems as though the anti-rape project may be my 2nd qualifier and the birthright citizenship project may become the 3rd. Or it may not work out this way at all. I'm open to the possibilities.

I booked a plane ticket to Michigan for the middle of July, and I just signed a housing contract. I'll be in Ann Arbor for a month for what is affectionately known as Stats Boot Camp.

All the Cliches are True

We are heading into Week 10, and surprisingly, I'm not incredibly stressed out. It was a busy weekend, and I was in the office for most of it, but I'm not terribly stressed out. I've got a lot on my plate, but again, not stressed out. In fact, I'm actually kind of excited about it all. Seriously. How did this happen?

Only a quarter ago, I was deep in the slump. Really deep. I was ready to take a leave of absence or find an internship or bail out after getting the Masters degree. I was exploring public policy careers and careers in non-profits. I talked to older grad students about the slump, and they reassured me that it would pass and that things would get better, especially after I complete my coursework. Right, I thought. Ha! They were right! This quarter has been going so much better, and I'm in a good place. I actually made this folder called 'research ideas' on my computer. In it, I wrote up three research projects that I would love to do- someday, when I have time. Can you believe it? I might enjoy doing research, something that I wasn't so sure about only a quarter ago.

After struggling all year to write this qualifying paper, I'm finally at the stage where I've got things figured out and I'm just trying to polish it up. All year, I felt as though I didn't know what I was doing or how to do it. I struggled so much that I could not imagine a life of research and writing. Professors and older grad students reassured me that it takes practice and that things will get easier. Well, again, they were right. I've started reading literature to prepare for my next qualifier, and it's so much easier this time around. I'm a more efficient reader and better able to find the main points of books and articles. And, as I'm working on the editing and revising of my 1st qualifier, I'm finding that writing is getting easier too. I used to get this pit in my stomach whenever I would sit down to write, but not anymore!

On a seemingly unrelated note, I have found that research is like baking. Lots of people ask me how I have time to bake. To them, baking is a chore and time consuming. I tell them that it takes practice, and this is the truth. I'm a pretty efficient baker, and I'm starting to understand the nuances of spices and the chemical reactions of various ingredients. I enjoy getting feedback on my cupcakes and cookies, and I use this to do better next time. Similarly, I have found that doing research and writing has gotten easier with practice too. And the feedback from my professors? In my mind, it's not unlike they're telling me that cinnamon and nutmeg complement one another or to go easy on the almond extract or add more chocolate chips.

Be Your Own Agenda (or something like that)

On Grey's Anatomy, its called the "Dark Spot." In grad school, I call it Week 8. and Week 9. And Week 10. I'm not sure what is meant by the dark spot on Grey's Anatomy, but for me, the dark spot is the end of the quarter. It's when I have to start juggling course work with writing course papers. It's when I know that I have a lot to do, and I have no idea how it's all going to get done. I usually try to tell myself that it will all get done, but sometimes this isn't true (I took an incomplete last quarter).

I met with DM today. I had not seen him since last fall, and even though I've met with him only a few times, I seem to meet him when I'm in the dark spot. Today, I was upset because I was trying to churn out a new draft of my qualifier in less than a week. It was an ambitious goal, and DM agreed. Anyway, it didn't get done, but it's probably for the best. After meeting with DM, I have a clearer sense of what I need to do in my next revision. Both KB and DM say that I am very close to have my qualifier signed off. It's been such a long process, and I'm just frustrated that I'm not done yet. I have found that the qualifying paper process is frustrating because I don't get to decide when the paper is complete. With a class paper, I can just turn it in and decide that I'm done. Not so with a qualifier- KB and DM are the ones to decide when it satisfies the qualifier criteria.

I have had some great meetings with DM, and today was no different. He really cares about his students, and I feel that he's looking out for me. He asks me questions about my research interests as if he's really trying to figure me out so that he can best advise me. He asks what drives my research, what I really care about, and what kind of political scientist I want to be. DM offered a bunch of opportunities to me. He offered me a couple data sets and an opportunity to RA for him this summer. DM is great, and one thing that I like is that he is careful not to pressure me into taking on projects that do not interest me. He always lets me know that he's not trying to persuade me and that he does not have an agenda. This is good because I hate feeling pressured, and I dislike when I get the sense that professors have their own agendas when they meet with me.

DM had a couple pieces of great advice for me. First, he said that I should be using my classes as catapults for qualifying papers. I should be using the classes to start papers or to continue work on papers that can be qualifying papers. This way, I'm not starting the qualifying paper process from scratch. Another piece of valuable advice is that I should be my own agenda. Or something like that. I forgot to write it down. So basically, DM says that I should be in grad school for myself and that I should be pursuing projects for myself and research that I'm interested in. He told me not to let anyone try to sway me with their agenda. It was great advice. I've heard different versions of this, but his advice resonated with me today.

So, something that I think about while I'm here is what kind of teacher I want to be. I think that KB and DM can sense my frustration with my qualifier and that I'm feeling discouraged. The process has been so long, and at times it can feel that I'm not moving forward. In the past week, they have both reassured me of how far I have come, how much I've improved, and how much I've learned. That's the kind of teacher that I want to be. I want to be the teacher that motivates students. They've pushed me and they've had high expectations of me, but they encourage me and they help me, but most of all they remind me that I am making progress.

DM was optimistic and had a lot of good things to say. He said that he's impressed by how much I've learned and that he was so impressed by my work ethic that he offered me an RA opportunity this summer. Sometimes we hear so much criticism in grad school that we don't even recognize a compliment. I realized this when DM had to point out to me when he was saying good things about me. I'm flattered, but I can't help but wonder when he's going to realize that I'm not as smart as he seems to think that I am. I feel bad saying this, and I need to change my mentality. It wasn't so long ago that women in grad school experienced sexism, discrimination, and obstacles that prevented their success in the program. So, I should feel good and not be so negative when a professor expresses interest in my academic progress and believes in me.

Geometry, Crossword Puzzles, and the Brain

I was in 9th grade, and it was the first day of school. I was sitting in my last class of the day, geometry, and my teacher, Mr. P, talked about crossword puzzles and the brain. After an entire day of going from class to class and getting this orientation of high school, it seemed so unreal and refreshing to be discussing something that was seemingly unrelated to geometry. Mr. P was this older man- super funny and he actually made geometry fun, enjoyable, and interesting. It was a great semester. Hands down, he is one of my favorite teachers and probably the best math teacher that I've ever had.

So, this is what Mr. P said: He told us this story of how he and his wife would do the crossword puzzle each morning. When they became stumped by some of the clues, they would take a break and set the puzzle aside. Later, completely out of the blue, Mr. P's wife would have this epiphany and have an answer to one of the clues. So, we spent the entire hour discussing whether or not the brain subconsciously wrestles with problems while we are not consciously thinking of them. In other words, is your brain thinking of a solution when you are not?

I had my own epiphany the other night. I was sitting in bed, late at night, reading a book. Suddenly, a metaphorical lightbulb went off in my head. See, I had received comments from KB and DM about my current draft of my qualifier. As usual, I am still struggling with figuring out exactly what it is that I want to say and how to organize my paper. The pieces seem to be there, but like a puzzle, I have to rearrange them so that they make sense. Anyway, as I was reading, I had my own epiphany and suddenly, I knew what I had to do to make my paper better. I grabbed a notebook, outlined, and quickly reworked my paper. I had been so busy this past week that I had not been consciously thinking about how to improve my paper. Had my brain been thinking of a solution all along? I could not help but to think back to the first day of 9th grade, geometry class, and Mr. P.

So, I think I've figured out where to go next in my paper. I'm going to rework it this weekend and send out new drafts to KB and DM on Monday. I hope that I am close to getting this signed off. See, a qualifying paper is anything that 2 professors will sign off on. The annoying thing is that I don't get to decide when I'm done. This is in contrast to a class paper, where I decide when it's done and just turn it in for a grade, any grade. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Embracing the Inner Nerd

I am so close to finish a full draft of my qualifier right now. In fact, I'm taking a break from writing right now to write this post. I have been working through multiple drafts with KB, but this will be the first complete draft with tables and analysis. And, I'm submitting this draft to DM, my 2nd reader for feedback. After devoting so much time to this paper, I'm so glad that I'm nearly finished. Well, not quite, since KB and I will continue work to coauthor this paper and hopefully get it published.

Some strange and unexpected things have happened as I've been working through this draft for the past few weeks. I've actually been excited to work on the paper and I've been motivated to make it better. Maybe (after so many reservations and uncertainty) I do enjoy research. Maybe. I've felt surprisingly gratified when I make progress, and I actually sort of enjoy statistical analysis. I think I need to embrace the inner nerd, even though I'm terrified of joining this seeming "cult" of academia. I've always known that I'm nerdy, a fact that's easier to acknowledge in an environment where I'm surrounded by bigger geeks than me. Case in point- last weekend, our teambuilding day was peppered with academic jokes- 3 judge panels, statistical significance, etc.

Midwest Political Science Geek Fest, Part II

One of my professors, TS, gave me 3 pieces of advice before I headed to Chicago for the Poli Sci Geek Fest. He said: 1) Don't go over your alloted time when you present your paper; 2) Skip the literature review because everyone in the audience already knows it and/or doesn't care; 3) Don't argue with the discussant. I heeded all 3 pieces of advice, and my paper presentations went quite well.

My panel experiences were great. Now, I need to qualify this by reminding you that I was on the gender panels, which means that I was surrounded by women who created this warm, inviting, and collaborative environment. How could I be nervous? I was super excited. Really. I'm certain that being on a panel with men and with an audience primarily composed of men would be quite different. In fact, I have heard that it is. On a side note, I'm going to make a point to go to a male dominated panel at the next conference just to see.

So, I totally wasn't nervous to present my papers. I wasn't even phased by the fact that the audience and panel had some authors who I had cited. I looked at these panels as the opportunity to share my ideas and generate feedback. I treated it no differently than when I meet with KB to discuss the progress of my paper. In fact, I welcomed the opportunity to pick the brains of so many intelligent women who were interested in my research. Cool thing: they liked my ideas and it was super cool to have non-UCI-people validate my research.

I am grateful for TS's advice, but I would have to add a couple more things. Have fun. Remember that panels aren't a time to be hostile or defensive; rather, it's a time to share your research with other people and get feedback. Nobody is out to "get you;" others want to help you further your research and improve your paper. Relax. Have fun.

So, it was a good experience and I've been riding the conference high and using it to be productive. I polished up the front end of my draft and submitted it to KB, I've collected some more data, and I'm running new models tomorrow.

Midwest Political Science Geek Fest, Part I

Let me start this off by telling you that it is currently 98 degrees in Irvine. It has been in the 90s all weekend; I've just checked the weather forecast and it is supposed to cool off and be in the high 70s tomorrow. The heat is quite uncomfortable, more so because I am stuck in my apartment with a nasty cold. I have to write this afternoon, so this blog post is my version of a warm up.

All right, so I pleasantly surprised myself at the Midwest Political Science Association conference (aka, the Midwest). I actually had fun. At the conference. That's right, I had fun at the geek fest. I spent all day Thursday and Friday morning doing conference stuff. I was on 2 panels: one on Thursday afternoon and one on Friday morning. The original plan was to attend a panel on Thursday morning, and attend my own panels. Instead, (in addition to the original plan) I ended up attending another panel on Thursday afternoon, the Midwest Women's Caucus business meeting, and the Women's Caucus reception.

See, when I checked into the conference on Wednesday evening, I perused the phonebook-sized program containing a schedule of panels and found all these interesting panels pertinent to my research area. Let me refresh your memory: Panels are made up of about 4 papers (single authored or coauthored). There is a chair, who basically introduces the panel and the papers. There is also a discussant who offers feedback on each paper. Each author has about 12-15 minutes to present her paper. After each author has presented, then its the discussant's turn to speak and offer feedback. Then the floor is open to the audience to ask questions. Panels are scheduled to last about 1 hour and 45 minutes.

So, I attended a panel about Women and Representation on Thursday morning, and one about Motherhood and Politics that afternoon. Something surprising happened: I was interested, I actually introduced myself to the women on these panels, and I found that I had some interesting stuff to say. I think I started to network. Shockingly, I was having fun. The fun continued into the evening when I attended the Women's Caucus Meeting and reception. I got some good book recommendations, good feedback, and some great advice.

To the Windy City...again

This week we've kicked off the spring quarter. I love the first week of the quarter- I'm well rested, eager to learn, and it's relatively stress free. Things are looking up. I had a meeting with KB today to discuss the progress of my paper, and it is going well. Seriously well. Maybe research isn't so bad after all. I'm still working out the kinks in the paper, but I'm realizing that I have to learn as I go. I'm taking Public Law and a Qualitative Methods class. Why Public Law? Because I love the Supreme Court! Really. And I'm taking the methods class so that I gain some exposure to different research methods. I've been frustrated by the research, and I think that things will get better and more enjoyable when I figure out "how" I like to do research. That's the plan anyway. I'm also TAing American Constitutional Law for TS. Should be loads of fun!

I'm going to Chicago for the rest of the week to present two papers at the Midwest Political Science Association conference. I am presenting a coauthored paper (Explaining the Gender Gap in Pathways to Parliament: Comparisons Across Western Europe) and then the paper that I am currently working on (Conceptions of Citizenship: Women, Abortion Rates, and the Welfare State). My paper is a work in progress, so I am looking forward to getting some good feedback. This should be a good vacation and a good chance to get out of Irvine. I don't know exactly what I plan to do, but I'm going to a Cubs game later in the week. Naturally, I will keep you posted. With pictures, of course.

Out of the Slump

Okay, so I've temporarily come out of the slump. Today I had a meeting with BG, one of my professors. I told him that I had to take an incomplete in his class to finish the final paper. Now, FYI, it is not a good idea to ask for an incomplete the day after the final paper is due. Nevertheless, he granted me one. It was a good meeting, but slightly overwhelming. I'm behind on stats, and I'm going to need more stats training to be competitive to publish and when I go on the job market. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had no desire to do either.

I am meeting with the department chair, MP, on Friday. I had a heart to heart with one of my grad-student-mentors, Amy, yesterday (who advised that I talk to MP right away). This is what I told her: I'm a one-trick pony. I care only about women's rights, particularly reproductive rights. I have other things that I care about, like violence against women and same sex marriage, but I'm passionate about reproductive rights. I don't exactly care to learn about anything else. I only care about political science stuff such as voting behavior, social movements, and political participation only as it relates to reproductive rights. I want to make an impact in this area, but I'm not sure that this is how I want to do it. I'm not sure that teaching and doing research is how I want to work to protect reproductive rights. Although research is important, it's a slow process and there is no instant gratification. If there is anything that I am not, it is patient (just ask my mom). Making an impact through research is glacial and behind the scenes-- instead, I think that I want to be on the front lines. Anyway, I'm going to talk to MP to see if what my options are and how to break into public policy work. Don't worry, I'm not throwing in the towel ; I'm just looking to see what else I can do with a PhD that will further my goals.

Today our students took their final exam. I always get attached to my students and feel sad at the end of the quarter. I've gotten to know them, and I've seen them grow. I've spent this quarter pushing them to think outside of the box and challenging them to defend their viewpoints. Even thought I get sad when the quarter ends, I look on the bright side: Next quarter, I will have 65 or so new students to teach about politics. I never doubt that I have an impact on these students. Some may come and go, but I know that some genuinely appreciate my efforts. I know I'm not making revolutionaries, but if I can make politics fun and pain-free, then I've done my job. As my students turned in their exams, I think that they were a bit sad to see me go too. One of my students even gave me a hug (no, it wasn't a guy trying to hit on me). It was one of the nicest things that any student has ever done.

In other news, I'm making squares for Warm Up America! It is this charity that sews together knit squares into afghans for homeless people. Here is a checkerboard square:

Sink or Swim

On Saturday night, my friends and I went to the UCI Men's Basketball game against Cal State Fullerton. We cheered as loudly as we could, but it wasn't enough; we lost 81-66. Nevertheless, our team had never made it so far in the post season. We are sad that the season has ended, but we are excited to cheer on the baseball team this spring.

It's finals week and the quarter is winding down. I've temporarily fallen out of the slump and feel better after having talked to a couple older grad students in the program. Apparently, the slump is not uncommon and many grad students have felt like throwing in the towel during their first few years. In attempts to remedy the slump, I'm going to explore non-quantitative research methods by taking a qualitative methods class next quarter. A weakness of our program is that we do not have a structured research methods sequence. It is extremely frustrating because we are supposed to be "doing research," but I feel ill equipped to do so. Since the quantitative-qualitative divide is so great, the department does not offer any required methods courses because it does not want to seem as though it endorses one method over another. Instead, we "learn" methods (sort of) through reading assigned class readings in our seminars. It's useful, but it still doesn't teach us how to "do" research. So, sometimes it feels like a sink or swim, but I had better learn to swim- and fast.

The 2nd Year Slump

It's the end of the quarter and finals are next week. I'm deep in the 2nd year slump. Apparently, this condition is so common that a phrase has been coined to describe it. To me, being in grad school is like being on a hamster wheel. The work is never ending, and when I take a break, I feel guilty. Anyway, I have felt the slump on and off this year. Most of us are plagued with the nagging feeling that grad school may not be the right path, but for some of us, the nagging feeling is louder and more difficult to ignore. I'm working on my qualifying paper right now, and my adviser is pleased that I seem to be on the right track and moving along just fine in the program. However, there is this nagging feeling inside of me that wonders if academia is the life that I want. I'm not sure if the never ending cycle of teaching, researching, and publishing is the life for me. While teaching and doing research is important, I'm not sure if this is the way that I want to leave my mark on society.

In happy news: I made coconut cupcakes and brownies last week. They put a smile on everyone's faces. Ever seen the movie 'Stranger than Fiction'? Well, there is this character that quit law school to open up her own bakery. Actually, I think she failed out of law school because she spent so much time baking for her study groups. There is this little part of me that wonders if I'd be happy and fulfilled by baking yummy goodies that will put smiles on people's faces. Anyway, I'm on a mission to find the best chocolate chip cookie recipe, so let me know if you have a good one for me to try.

Last night, my friend Chris and I went to see the UCI Men's Basketball team play UC Santa Barbara in the Big West semi final game. We won, so tonight we will be playing Cal State Fullerton in the Big West Championship game. If we beat Fullerton tonight, we will go on to the NCAA tournament, a first for UCI. This is exciting, and one of my current students plays for UCI, so I have a personal connection to the team. Tonight, my friends and I are going up to Anaheim to cheer on the Anteaters. Keep your fingers crossed, and think happy thoughts for UCI!