On Grey's Anatomy, its called the "Dark Spot." In grad school, I call it Week 8. and Week 9. And Week 10. I'm not sure what is meant by the dark spot on Grey's Anatomy, but for me, the dark spot is the end of the quarter. It's when I have to start juggling course work with writing course papers. It's when I know that I have a lot to do, and I have no idea how it's all going to get done. I usually try to tell myself that it will all get done, but sometimes this isn't true (I took an incomplete last quarter).
I met with DM today. I had not seen him since last fall, and even though I've met with him only a few times, I seem to meet him when I'm in the dark spot. Today, I was upset because I was trying to churn out a new draft of my qualifier in less than a week. It was an ambitious goal, and DM agreed. Anyway, it didn't get done, but it's probably for the best. After meeting with DM, I have a clearer sense of what I need to do in my next revision. Both KB and DM say that I am very close to have my qualifier signed off. It's been such a long process, and I'm just frustrated that I'm not done yet. I have found that the qualifying paper process is frustrating because I don't get to decide when the paper is complete. With a class paper, I can just turn it in and decide that I'm done. Not so with a qualifier- KB and DM are the ones to decide when it satisfies the qualifier criteria.
I have had some great meetings with DM, and today was no different. He really cares about his students, and I feel that he's looking out for me. He asks me questions about my research interests as if he's really trying to figure me out so that he can best advise me. He asks what drives my research, what I really care about, and what kind of political scientist I want to be. DM offered a bunch of opportunities to me. He offered me a couple data sets and an opportunity to RA for him this summer. DM is great, and one thing that I like is that he is careful not to pressure me into taking on projects that do not interest me. He always lets me know that he's not trying to persuade me and that he does not have an agenda. This is good because I hate feeling pressured, and I dislike when I get the sense that professors have their own agendas when they meet with me.
DM had a couple pieces of great advice for me. First, he said that I should be using my classes as catapults for qualifying papers. I should be using the classes to start papers or to continue work on papers that can be qualifying papers. This way, I'm not starting the qualifying paper process from scratch. Another piece of valuable advice is that I should be my own agenda. Or something like that. I forgot to write it down. So basically, DM says that I should be in grad school for myself and that I should be pursuing projects for myself and research that I'm interested in. He told me not to let anyone try to sway me with their agenda. It was great advice. I've heard different versions of this, but his advice resonated with me today.
So, something that I think about while I'm here is what kind of teacher I want to be. I think that KB and DM can sense my frustration with my qualifier and that I'm feeling discouraged. The process has been so long, and at times it can feel that I'm not moving forward. In the past week, they have both reassured me of how far I have come, how much I've improved, and how much I've learned. That's the kind of teacher that I want to be. I want to be the teacher that motivates students. They've pushed me and they've had high expectations of me, but they encourage me and they help me, but most of all they remind me that I am making progress.
DM was optimistic and had a lot of good things to say. He said that he's impressed by how much I've learned and that he was so impressed by my work ethic that he offered me an RA opportunity this summer. Sometimes we hear so much criticism in grad school that we don't even recognize a compliment. I realized this when DM had to point out to me when he was saying good things about me. I'm flattered, but I can't help but wonder when he's going to realize that I'm not as smart as he seems to think that I am. I feel bad saying this, and I need to change my mentality. It wasn't so long ago that women in grad school experienced sexism, discrimination, and obstacles that prevented their success in the program. So, I should feel good and not be so negative when a professor expresses interest in my academic progress and believes in me.
I met with DM today. I had not seen him since last fall, and even though I've met with him only a few times, I seem to meet him when I'm in the dark spot. Today, I was upset because I was trying to churn out a new draft of my qualifier in less than a week. It was an ambitious goal, and DM agreed. Anyway, it didn't get done, but it's probably for the best. After meeting with DM, I have a clearer sense of what I need to do in my next revision. Both KB and DM say that I am very close to have my qualifier signed off. It's been such a long process, and I'm just frustrated that I'm not done yet. I have found that the qualifying paper process is frustrating because I don't get to decide when the paper is complete. With a class paper, I can just turn it in and decide that I'm done. Not so with a qualifier- KB and DM are the ones to decide when it satisfies the qualifier criteria.
I have had some great meetings with DM, and today was no different. He really cares about his students, and I feel that he's looking out for me. He asks me questions about my research interests as if he's really trying to figure me out so that he can best advise me. He asks what drives my research, what I really care about, and what kind of political scientist I want to be. DM offered a bunch of opportunities to me. He offered me a couple data sets and an opportunity to RA for him this summer. DM is great, and one thing that I like is that he is careful not to pressure me into taking on projects that do not interest me. He always lets me know that he's not trying to persuade me and that he does not have an agenda. This is good because I hate feeling pressured, and I dislike when I get the sense that professors have their own agendas when they meet with me.
DM had a couple pieces of great advice for me. First, he said that I should be using my classes as catapults for qualifying papers. I should be using the classes to start papers or to continue work on papers that can be qualifying papers. This way, I'm not starting the qualifying paper process from scratch. Another piece of valuable advice is that I should be my own agenda. Or something like that. I forgot to write it down. So basically, DM says that I should be in grad school for myself and that I should be pursuing projects for myself and research that I'm interested in. He told me not to let anyone try to sway me with their agenda. It was great advice. I've heard different versions of this, but his advice resonated with me today.
So, something that I think about while I'm here is what kind of teacher I want to be. I think that KB and DM can sense my frustration with my qualifier and that I'm feeling discouraged. The process has been so long, and at times it can feel that I'm not moving forward. In the past week, they have both reassured me of how far I have come, how much I've improved, and how much I've learned. That's the kind of teacher that I want to be. I want to be the teacher that motivates students. They've pushed me and they've had high expectations of me, but they encourage me and they help me, but most of all they remind me that I am making progress.
DM was optimistic and had a lot of good things to say. He said that he's impressed by how much I've learned and that he was so impressed by my work ethic that he offered me an RA opportunity this summer. Sometimes we hear so much criticism in grad school that we don't even recognize a compliment. I realized this when DM had to point out to me when he was saying good things about me. I'm flattered, but I can't help but wonder when he's going to realize that I'm not as smart as he seems to think that I am. I feel bad saying this, and I need to change my mentality. It wasn't so long ago that women in grad school experienced sexism, discrimination, and obstacles that prevented their success in the program. So, I should feel good and not be so negative when a professor expresses interest in my academic progress and believes in me.
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