Wednesday, June 2, 2010

ph.d. candidate

It's about time that I tell you that I took my advancement exam and passed a few weeks ago. After filing the paperwork and forking over $90, I officially became a Ph.D. candidate yesterday.

Our advancement exams are oral exams with 5 committee members. The exam lasted about an hour and a half. It's tough and it's challenging, which I suppose is why it's called an exam and not say, a walk in the park. I'm not going to lie here, it was probably the least enjoyable experience of my life. I mean, if you gave me a choice between taking my oral exam again and say, being stuck in an elevator with George W. Bush, I'd probably choose the latter. I'm being a tad dramatic here; looking back, it wasn't so bad. It's kind of like a performance review, or an assessment. It's like checking in with your committee to see where you're at in the program, what you know, and what you still need to work on.

In my department, orals have been called a "black box." We've never seen an exam before, so we have no idea what to expect. We don't receive sample questions. Everyone has a committee of 5, so the chances that any two committees will have the same composition are very, very slim. (I wonder if it's ever happened) So, as my chair said, students' exams are really tailored to them. Thus, no two are alike and the standards are variable. The standards for the exam range from "a walk in the park" to "kick your ass." You can see why we call this a black box.

I don't think orals are something to be feared. Everyone has to do them, and everyone survives. I mean, they're called a black box, not a Bermuda Triangle. When I began grad school, the oral exam was something that was difficult for me to conceptualize. It was a mystery. What does it mean to know the scholarship in your field? What are my field/s? What do I put on a reading list and how will I read it all? Do I have to know every detail? Who should be on my committee? And so on. Here's the thing: strangely, grad school has made me more relaxed and calm. I have my moments, but overall I've become more laid back. And so I've trusted that things will come together, and I'll figure out who I want to work with and what I want to study. And it worked. Somehow, the pieces came together.

I got a lot of advice about orals, and many said that the best you can do is just be prepared. Sounds obvious, but it's true. I took notes, made flashcards, summarized the literature in my fields, and practiced aloud with Drew and some others. Other students said that I would reach a point at which I would "just know" (apparently, orals are like picking a mate) that I'm prepared and ready. This again is true. I did reach this point at which I knew that I was as ready as I ever could be.

Many friends passed along words of wisdom, and even though we all had different experiences, it made orals seem less scary. And practicing aloud was really important and really helped me prepare. (special shout out to Drew who listened to me and asked questions every night for 3 weeks preceding my exam. I don't know why I did that. He doesn't read my blog.) And, this might be difficult, but I think it's important to be optimistic and think positively. As a friend said, orals is like a diagnostic. It's like a check up to see where you're at, where you're going, and what you need to do. And remember, your committee is on your side and wants you to succeed. This is really difficult to remember, especially during the exam (and after). But you must tell yourself that they like you because at some point during the exam, you might look out and think to yourself "who are these people, why do they appear to dislike me, and why do they keep trying to throw me under the bus?"

So now I'm working on coming up with a dissertation topic. It can be daunting to think about how I've passed many small hurdles, but the biggest one is yet to come.

No comments: