The 2nd of a 40- Year Career

When I get cranky and frustrated with grad school, one of my friends reminds me that it is a learning process, an apprenticeship, and that I am only in the 2nd year of a 40 year career. This makes me feel a lot better, since I have a lot of time to hone my skills and make progress. So, I'd like to share a few reflections of the 2nd of my 40 year career. I don't pretend to know all the answers, but these are some things that have helped me through the past year.

Reflections of the 2^nd year:

Be yourself. Totally and completely. I'm a little quirky and unconventional (after all, I am a grad student). Yet, I have decided that this is my grad school experience, and I’m going to totally and completely be myself. I laugh a lot. Loudly. I crack funny jokes, with my professors and even during class presentations. Sometimes (or a lot of the time) I am unprofessional, inappropriate, and seemingly not academic. I sent a photo of myself in my Hooters costume to the director of graduate studies for our department webpage. I gave condom party favors from our end of the year party to the department chair. I make up funny nicknames for some of my professors, and I share these with them. I made a soundtrack to my qualifying paper, and I even gave it to my readers.

Be confident in yourself. I used to stress out (a lot) before submitting papers to professors. My stomach would be in knots, and I would worry that they would think that I was an idiot. Well, it has taken me a while, but I'm over this. Seriously. Grad school is this super long learning process and an apprenticeship. We learn from our professors, and they don't expect us to have all the answers. If we already knew how to do research, how to write papers, and how to publish, well, we would be professors. For me, it helps to think of my professors as coaches. I treat grad school as though I'm learning a new sport, a musical instrument, or a new skill. It's like when I learned how to dive in high school: I didn't walk into the pool already knowing how to dive. My coach didn't expect that. All he expected was that I would work hard in practice and try to do my best. At each practice, my coach would tell me what I was doing well and what I needed to improve. Same thing with grad school. Except that I wear more than a Speedo now.

Compare yourself to no one. It is very easy to start comparing yourself to those around you, but grad school is not a uniform experience. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this one. I could easily feel anxious that my 1st qualifying paper isn't signed off yet while others in my cohort are already moving on to their 2nd. But I'm not. Seriously. Instead, I remind myself of all that I've learned and how I've developed such great relationships with KB and DM. They are grooming this paper for possible publication, and all of this is more valuable than a quick sign off.

Make sure that you have a couple cheerleaders- people on your side and there to support you, both professors and grad students. This year had a lot of ups and downs, and I could not have survived without a solid network of fellow grad students and professors. It sounds cliche, but they are my sounding board, the shoulder to cry on, and the people that I go to with good news. They get me through the times when I'm not sure that I can do this, when I don’t know if I want to do this, and when I don’t know if I’m cut out for academia.

Live your life. Lots of times, people ask me how I have time to bake, knit, and be social. This strikes me as odd, because it's not as though I'm going to put my life on hold while I'm in grad school. I try to have some sort of balance in my life (even if it's not an exciting one) and I refuse to work all of the time.

Focus on your progress. We receive a lot of feedback on our papers, and there is always room for improvement. Sometimes, I get really bogged down by all of this and discouraged. Yet, I try to remind myself of how far I've come and how much I've learned.

Be nice. To everyone. That is all.

Ask for help and you shall receive. Before I took statistics, I was clueless and completely dependent upon older grad students to help me out when I had to write papers using statistical analysis. Even though I have a clue now, I still find myself going to them when I want to learn more advanced statistical methods. Other examples: I constantly ask older grad students for advice on how to navigate the program, I ask them to read my papers and give me feedback, and I go to them for pep talks. If anyone can turn a usually isolating grad school experience into a social one, well, it's me.

Be your own agenda. I think that I mentioned this in an earlier post, but it is worth mentioning again. This is advice that I got from DM. Many times this past year, I have felt pushed and pulled in different directions, at the mercy of various persons' agendas. I have felt the tug of war between the quantitative and qualitative camps, and I refuse to be forced into a methodology. I also dislike feeling as though research agendas are being pushed on me as well. At the end of the day, I stay true to myself and do the research that I want to do and choose the method that I want to use.

So, that's all that I've got for now. I'm having a great summer so far. I had a leisurely afternoon of grading at the pool last weekend, I baked a fabulous marble cake for a friend's birthday (it was the envy of everyone at the bar), I went shopping with a friend, I ate some yummy cake batter ice cream at Cold Stone, and I drank some awesome beer at the Yard House. And, I'm off to a great week too. Today I had a productive work day, and I baked cookies. I'll write about that tomorrow!

Operation Chocolate Chip Cookie: Trial 9

In an effort to shake up the traditional chocolate chip cookie, I made Chocolate and Peanut Butter Chip Cookies yesterday. Chocolate? Peanut Butter? Why choose just one? I was feeling mildly adventurous. Also, in an effort to be more creative with the photos, here is a picture of the cookie in its initial stages rather than the finished product:

I know, I know. You would think that I could be more creative in the photo depictions of my chocolate chip cookie mission. After all, I am a former photography major and I have an art degree. Hey, it's not like I'm a food stylist, right?

So, these cookies were good; they were a fantastic combination of chocolate and peanut butter. When I bit into the cookie, I got this wonderful mouthful of rich, sugary goodness. Despite the flavor combo, I was a bit disappointed that these were more cake-like than chewy. These cookies were pretty popular; I made 2nd and 3rd rounds with this batch. Kelly says that these were "not assertively sweet, a darker exterior with a textured, slightly more yielding interior, and evocative of shortcake." What a mouthful, just like the cookies.

Data Collecting, Round ?

When I was a kid, I hated puzzles. I never had the patience to complete them. So, it seems counterintuitive that I chose to go to grad school. See, academics grapple with puzzles everyday, trying to come one step closer to solving them. At precisely 4:40 pm yesterday, I hated my qualifying paper. I remember this because I was sitting in Michele's office, venting, discouraged with the status of my paper and upset because it still wasn't done. I had just returned from a meeting with DM, who seemed to be excited and optimistic about this paper. Why didn't I share in his enthusiasm? Because I have a puzzle, and I don't know how to solve it. Because I don't know how to solve it, my paper is still incomplete.

So, I went home, did some free writing (a habit I learned in a high school writing class) and reflected on DM's suggestions for the paper. Later that night, I met Michele at the pub and she helped me figure out what I needed to do next to improve the paper. She reminded me (as DM did, too) that I was learning a lot through this process. So, one too many glasses of wine later, I had more clarity and fresh ideas to move the paper forward. At around 10:30 pm last night, I decided that I really like this paper and I'm excited that I may be coming one step closer to figuring out my puzzle. So, that's why I'm sitting here at my computer, nearly one year after starting this project, collecting more data.

Status update

Today, it came to my attention that I have had meetings with professors every single day this week. Busy, busy week. It's been a week of sorting things out and trying to figure out my next steps in the program and my plans for the summer. I met with KB and DM to talk about the status of my qualifying paper. On one hand, I'm ready to be done with it and move on. On the other hand, I am sort of grateful that KB and DM aren't so eager to just sign off and approve this paper. I'd rather have something that could possibly lead to a publication than something that won't go anywhere except my hard drive. So, I'm back to revising, editing, and re-organizing. My results aren't exactly what I expected, so I'm struggling with figuring out the angle I want to take. I'm still tweaking (it seems neverending), and I'm just trying to determine what kind of story I want to tell.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get my 2nd qualifier in the pipeline. This past quarter, I wrote a research design revolving around issues of national identity, immigration, birthright citizenship, women, and reproductive control in Ireland and the United States. An interesting thing happened last spring: I surprised myself by stepping back from abortion politics and exploring other research areas. So, I don't really know what will happen to this project. TS thinks it is a good idea, and LD thinks I need to do some more reading to develop the idea. I think this is a topic that may be more suitable for my 3rd qualifying paper (a literature review) and perhaps eventually a dissertation. So I've shifted gears and I may pursue a project about the anti-rape movement instead. Sometimes, it really feels like I have academic ADD. Seriously.

A couple things that I have learned thus far is that sometimes things don't go exactly as planned and everything takes longer to complete than anticipated. This is why I plan ahead, so then I'll be right on track. A year ago, I thought that my 1st qualifier was going to be about abortion attitudes. Instead, I shelved that project and my 1st qualifier is on abortion rates. This time around, I thought that the immigration and citizenship project would become my 2nd qualifier. Instead, it seems as though the anti-rape project may be my 2nd qualifier and the birthright citizenship project may become the 3rd. Or it may not work out this way at all. I'm open to the possibilities.

I booked a plane ticket to Michigan for the middle of July, and I just signed a housing contract. I'll be in Ann Arbor for a month for what is affectionately known as Stats Boot Camp.

Operation Chocolate Chip Cookie: Trial 8

Today I made Maple-Walnut Chippers, from my Search for the Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe book. These cookies contained equal parts of granulated sugar and brown sugar, walnuts, lots of chocolate chips, and the secret ingredient: maple syrup. I also substituted shortening for the butter, since I was out. These cookies baked up so, so beautifully. Take a look:

I tried something new with this batch. Usually, the chocolate chip cookie recipes call for baking soda. Instead of adding the total amount of baking soda called for, I usually substitute equal parts of baking soda and baking powder. I do this because I'm terrified that the cookies will not rise and instead spread out too thinly. Today, I followed the recipe as is, adding the complete amount of baking soda and no baking powder. I was so pleased to see that these cookies baked up quite nicely.

These cookies were soft on the inside, a bit crunchy on the outside, and full of flavor. The flavor from the maple syrup is subtle and it really gives these cookies a bit of kick. The walnuts, chocolate chips, and maple syrup are an excellent combination of flavors. Today's cookies earned lots of accolades, and Casey said that they were her favorite so far. Who knows? I may have finally baked the perfect chocolate chip cookie.

Summer "Break"

Today is the first day of summer break, and the first school-free weekend that I have had in a very long time. Weekends become pretty meaningless in grad school since we tend to work all the time- Friday nights, Saturdays, Sundays- no time is off limits when there are deadlines to meet, grading to be done, and neverending reading and writing. Today feels strange- I slept in, had a long leisurely breakfast, and I'm watching cheesy TV movies while still in my pajamas. I plan to take the next couple days to relax and recuperate before I begin working again.

Last summer, I actually had a summer break. I was a grader for a couple classes, I went on a couple trips, and I spent my lazy afternoons reading at the pool. An older grad student told me to enjoy the summer after my first year because that would be the only truly relaxing and lazy summer. She was so right. This summer, I will be working on 3 papers, and I will be a research assistant for DM and a grader for a Critical Political Theory class. Oh, and I'm going to Ann Arbor for a month long statistics course. And I'm still trying to figure out when I'll fit in a trip to Minnesota. I get bored too easily, so I am glad to have plenty to keep me busy this summer.

Some Food for Thought

I met someone in anthropology the other day, and we started talking about how people outside of our department have these "interesting" misconceptions of what we do. She told me that many people think that she is sort of like this Indiana Jones archaeologist, and I mentioned that many people think that I am going to "go into politics." She also said that people think that she knows everything about anthropology, and some will ask for her opinion on the Incan empire. This happens to me too! Many people do not realize that grad students know a whole lot about a fairly small subject. I mean, I'm really only knowledgeable about subjects having to do with race, gender, or American politics. Sometimes people will ask for my opinion on foreign affairs, a subject that I know little about. Another thing that we talked about is how most people tend to have some sort of opinion and knowledge about our field. See, upon hearing that I study political science, many people like to chat me up about the current election or they like to share their political opinions. In contrast, my roommate is in the chemistry department, which pretty much preempts any attempt to make any small talk with her about her field. If only we could all be so lucky.

So, I haven't made a lot of comments about the presidential election. So, here goes. I am/was a Hillary Clinton supporter, but I don't get too involved or invested with presidential politics. Given how our government operates, I tend not to get invested because I'm not confident that one person can do that much. Our government was designed to be slow and inefficient; it was designed to make it difficult to get anything accomplished. The framers of the Constitution were so fearful of tyranny and the abuse of power by one person, so they created a government in which 3 separate institutions would share power and check each other. Although this leads to a lot of deliberation (which may sound like a good thing), it leads to a lot of policy gridlock, of which we are all familiar.

Another thing to think about is this issue of obtaining political experience via a spouse. Many people discounted Hillary Clinton's experience as First Lady, claiming that it was not true political experience. After all, as a letter to the editor asked, does a doctor's spouse automatically have medical experience too? Well, here's something to think about: historically, women became Senators and House Representatives because they were appointed to fill their deceased husband's seats. So, at some point, we thought that these women somehow gained political experience through their husbands. In other words, because a woman's husband was a politician, we felt that she had enough political experience to fill his seat when he died. Think this happened only in the early 1900s? Think again: Jean Carnahan (D-MO), served on the Senate from 2001-2002 because she was appointed to fill her husband's seat (Mel Carnahan) after he died in a plane crash. Just something to think about...

And finally, many people wondered why Hillary Clinton didn't just step down earlier in the primary/caucus season. Plausible question, but theoretically, isn't the nomination season supposed to last until June? It used to be that states liked to go last in the nomination schedule; they wanted to have the final say so it would seem as though the nomination decision rested in their hands. That the battle for the Democratic nomination has been going on for so long is fairly unprecedented. We have become so accustomed to having the battle ended and the nomination decided in February. But really, isn't this the way that it's supposed to be? Doesn't South Dakota (June 3) get to have just as much of a voice in the Democratic nomination as North Dakota (Feb 5)?

All the Cliches are True

We are heading into Week 10, and surprisingly, I'm not incredibly stressed out. It was a busy weekend, and I was in the office for most of it, but I'm not terribly stressed out. I've got a lot on my plate, but again, not stressed out. In fact, I'm actually kind of excited about it all. Seriously. How did this happen?

Only a quarter ago, I was deep in the slump. Really deep. I was ready to take a leave of absence or find an internship or bail out after getting the Masters degree. I was exploring public policy careers and careers in non-profits. I talked to older grad students about the slump, and they reassured me that it would pass and that things would get better, especially after I complete my coursework. Right, I thought. Ha! They were right! This quarter has been going so much better, and I'm in a good place. I actually made this folder called 'research ideas' on my computer. In it, I wrote up three research projects that I would love to do- someday, when I have time. Can you believe it? I might enjoy doing research, something that I wasn't so sure about only a quarter ago.

After struggling all year to write this qualifying paper, I'm finally at the stage where I've got things figured out and I'm just trying to polish it up. All year, I felt as though I didn't know what I was doing or how to do it. I struggled so much that I could not imagine a life of research and writing. Professors and older grad students reassured me that it takes practice and that things will get easier. Well, again, they were right. I've started reading literature to prepare for my next qualifier, and it's so much easier this time around. I'm a more efficient reader and better able to find the main points of books and articles. And, as I'm working on the editing and revising of my 1st qualifier, I'm finding that writing is getting easier too. I used to get this pit in my stomach whenever I would sit down to write, but not anymore!

On a seemingly unrelated note, I have found that research is like baking. Lots of people ask me how I have time to bake. To them, baking is a chore and time consuming. I tell them that it takes practice, and this is the truth. I'm a pretty efficient baker, and I'm starting to understand the nuances of spices and the chemical reactions of various ingredients. I enjoy getting feedback on my cupcakes and cookies, and I use this to do better next time. Similarly, I have found that doing research and writing has gotten easier with practice too. And the feedback from my professors? In my mind, it's not unlike they're telling me that cinnamon and nutmeg complement one another or to go easy on the almond extract or add more chocolate chips.