things I learned this week

Today I learned the hard way that milk chocolate chips are no substitute for semi-sweet chocolate chips. See, I took a break tonight to bake cupcakes for tomorrow's colloquium. My recipe for chocolate buttercream frosting called for melted semi-sweet chocolate chips. I tried to use milk chocolate chips instead; this resulted in this horrible, soupy chocolate mess. So, I made a vanilla buttercream frosting instead.

The other day in the library, I came to the realization that I study public law. I always thought of myself as someone who studies race and gender politics, not public law. But, apparently, I do. I mean, how many times can a girl find herself in the law section of the library and not put two and two together?

missing snow

One of my friends asked me how I felt at this time during my first year of grad school. I told her that I was too busy mourning the cold weather that I had left behind in Minnesota to have any anxiety about school. Instead of worrying that I wasn't measuring up or that I didn't belong in grad school, I was mourning the loss of crisp weather, plummeting temperatures, frost, the changing leaf colors, and snow. Instead of worrying that I had made a mistake by going to grad school, I was worrying that I had made a mistake by going to grad school in California.

It snowed in Minnesota today. I am getting used to the fact that while my family and friends are cold in snowy Minnesota, I am here in 80 degree sunny California. As Halloween draws near, I find it ironic that as an adult, I am in a climate where there is no worry that it will be too cold to go trick-or-treating. There is no worry that a Halloween costume will be ruined by a winter coat, or that it may snow.

I don't plan to stay in Southern California after I'm through with grad school. I need to return to a climate with below zero temperatures and snow. Until then, I'm going to take advantage of the perpetually sunny days and nice weather. I'm already planning a beach day next weekend.

the art of the qualifying paper

"Qualifying papers are a great opportunity to test drive research topics, methods, and faculty."

"I know it when I see it." --Justice Potter Stewart in Jacobellis v. Ohio; professors on qualifying papers.

"Don't get it right, get it written."

We have to write 3 qualifying papers before we advance to candidacy. What does a qualifying paper look like? A paper that gets the approval of 2 professors. Since we are in the business of doing research, qualifying papers are how we learn to do it. Papers should be of publishable quality, but there are not necessarily uniform standards.

Yesterday's colloquium focused on writing qualifying papers. There were 3 professors and 3 advanced graduate students on the panel, answering questions and doling out helpful hints. Here is what they said, and I invite your additional suggestions.

Turn class papers into qualifying papers. This is not a requirement, but this is usually the most efficient way to do it. Think of it as expanding and polishing a class paper.

Shop around for readers. One panelist said that they went to 5 professors with a research idea, and it was the 6th professor that saw its potential.

Find a 2nd reader early. If we need suggestions on who to ask to be a 2nd reader, we can ask our 1st reader. We can also ask other grad students. Get the 2nd reader involved in the project early on; one professor had a student come to them with a finished paper, asking them to be a 2nd reader. This professor was not pleased, and said they would sign off if the student wrote a new paper. Moral of the story? Get 2 people on board from the beginning.

Play the field. Qualifying papers do not have to be about the same topic, and they do not have to be the stepping stone to the dissertation. One professor said that they have seen students with 3 qualifying papers that looked very different, and they have seen students with papers that paved the way towards dissertation. Also, papers do not have to use the same methods or readers. Cast a wide net, and use qualifying papers as the opportunity to develop professional relationships with many professors. Eventually, we will have to build a committee of 5 people, and we don't want to be scrambling around at the last minute to find committee members. This is the time to test drive research interests, faculty, and methods. Date around; we can have flings with qualifying papers, but we marry the dissertation.

Plan to write multiple drafts. We might go 2 rounds; we might go 10 rounds. Don't take feedback personally; this has nothing to do with us as a person. And remember, it is not necessarily in our best interest to get a quick sign-off; we learn and get better with each draft. Professors are helping us learn to do research, and don't we want to do it well?

Don't put it off until the summer. Whenever we don't have time to do something, we seem to think we'll do it over the summer. Don't add qualifying papers to this list. It won't get done. We will have other things to do, professors are not around, and we may not be around over the summer. More importantly, we have to learn how to juggle multiple responsibilities now.

Proofread. Submitting a draft full of grammar errors is like serving soup with a dirty spoon.

Start early and plan ahead. It puts us and the professors in a difficult position if we submit a draft and need their approval in order to get TA funding. If we plan ahead, things will fall into place when they need to.

Focus on ourselves. As difficult as it may seem, we need to focus on our own progress. Sure, other people may get a paper done before us, but it has no bearing on our lives. Understand that we make our own paths in graduate school: we are different, we work with different professors, we have different research interests, we work with different data, etc. Besides, we are not competing against each other. We are competing with some grad student at some other school.

Take opportunities as they come. Yes, we have to write 3 qualifying papers, but there are so many skills that we need to build the foundation to our careers. So, if we have the opportunity to learn statistics at ICPSR or qualitative methods at IQMR, we go do it.

Give the paper a longer life span. Present it at conferences and submit it for publication. What do we have to lose? It's a great way to build our CVs.

Show drafts work to other grad students. This is a great way to get feedback before we submit a draft to professors. Forming a working group keeps everyone accountable and on track.

Keep memos. Qualifying papers are meant to simulate the journal submission process: we get feedback from 2 readers and must make revisions to satisfy the two of them. One panelist said that they make and submit a memo with each new draft discussing how they have addressed each reader's comments. This lets the readers know how we have addressed their points, or we can use this memo to discuss why we have not.

Celebrate!!! We have few opportunities to celebrate in graduate school. Take time to celebrate each milestone.

about me

I like to walk barefoot in the grass. I hate orange juice pulp. I like the smell of fresh cut grass. I miss the crisp, cold Minnesota air. The kind that comes way too early, around October. I hate licorice. I miss the below zero temperatures and freshly fallen snow. I love to cook, but I hate making sandwiches. I am scared of snakes. I have a difficult time following the plot lines of a lot of movies. When I think of all the courageous women who fought so hard for women's rights (or anyone who has fought for any cause), I wonder if I would be brave enough and strong enough to do the same. I think I am really funny, and I often laugh at my own jokes. I like to bake, but I don't have a sweet tooth. I buy pints of ice cream, eat a serving, put it back in the freezer and forget about it until months later. I love fresh flowers. I eat cold pizza. Chinese food just isn't complete without an egg roll. I like to read blogs, but I limit myself to a few select food blogs and blogs that my friends write. I was a Girl Scout growing up and I worked at Girl Scout camp, but I still don't see the appeal of Thin Mints. I know that this is un-Minnesotan, but I don't really like hockey. Sure, I'll go to a game, I like the atmosphere, the smell of the ice, Miracle, and the Mighty Ducks, but I get bored watching a bunch of skaters chase around a puck. I read gossip magazines at the gym. I love to lie on the beach and stick my toes in the sand. I am scared of heights. When I miss the movie previews, I actually feel a little annoyed. I have a strangely good sense of direction. Sometimes I am too lazy to floss my teeth. Then, while I'm brushing them, I feel guilty and floss them anyway. I make brunch every Sunday.

the effect of just being

Two posts in one day! It must be your lucky day! Tonight, I went to a CSD (Center for the Study of Democracy) dinner- Jane Mansbridge was our guest tonight. She presented a paper on the role of self interest in deliberative democracy. It was just too philosphical and too full of political theory for me.

Anyway, these dinners are a good chance to socialize with other grad students and professors. You can talk shop, but it's fun when the conversation is informal and not about school. The real value of the evening came from a few kind words from a fellow grad student seated next to me. We talked about our paths to grad school and what brought us here. She used to be a lawyer, and I find it fascinating to learn about those who had these alternate careers prior to grad school.

Like so many others, I decided to go to grad school because I wanted to make a difference. I care so passionately about women's rights, and I always knew that my career would be devoted to empowering women. Many times, I struggle with how much impact my research can really have on society and if it makes a difference. Yet, I think of all those feminist theorists who devoted their lives to changing the way that we think, raising awareness, and challenging the dominant paradigm. I think about how we wouldn't have women's studies departments if those women thought that their written words would not make a difference. And so, I keep going because I can't imagine there being a body of literature that doesn't include race and gender studies. I can't imagine there being this body of knowledge that we just don't know. I can't imagine there not being this challenge to patriarchy and white privilege.

Anyway, back to tonight. I briefly summed up my concern that research may not be the best way for me to work for the advancement of women. You know what she said to me? She said that I make an impact by "just being." She said that if I am in a room full of men, I automatically and subtly shift the mood and conversation, so to speak. She said that when I TA, students see that women of color are grad students and can be professors too. Simply by being, I shift conceptions of who is knowledgeable and who has authority in the classroom. Simply by being, I have the ability to change minds.

I started to understand. On Monday, this guy in my grad seminars said something about "female congressmen." I laughed out loud, bringing this gender exclusive language to everyone's attention. Now I understand what my colleague was saying. Had I not been in this class, I wonder if anyone would have demanded the use of a gender-neutral pronoun. Further, having the mere presence of women in the seminar probably would have been enough to draw attention to the problem with saying "congressman".

All right, I just wanted to share that warm fuzzy with you. My colleague's kind words were just the support and reassurance that I needed.

i can't think of a title

I have a newfound appreciation for good classes and engaging professors. I'm sitting in class right now, blogging, so this is a pretty good indication of how much I dislike this class. I am taking 3 classes this quarter: Comparative Legal Institutions, Social Movements, and Immigrant America. I'm pretty happy with the first class, really happy with the second, and so incredibly disappointed with the third. Guess which class I'm sitting in right now?

Graduate seminars are generally a time to discuss/analyze the assigned readings, think about the course material, and toss around ideas. My favorite seminars are the ones where the students dominate the conversation and guide the discussion. It's just a great way to learn. As a third year, I feel ready and eager to engage with the material and talk about it. This just doesn't happen in my Immigration class, and to me, this is a disservice to the students. Instead, the professor tells us lots of random immigration stories and basically talks for nearly 3 hours straight. I never thought that I would say this, but this class is probably worse than the required Foundations of Political Science class we had to take our first quarter in grad school. And I really, really disliked that class.

Grrrr, ten more minutes and counting down...

who's afraid of (gender) equality?

After a rather frivolous post, here's something more thought provoking. Election Day is a little over 2 weeks away. I live in a state that is sure to go blue, and ironically, it could also pass a proposition that would eliminate same sex marriage. Things are getting ugly here. There are nasty TV ads. And then activists (on each side) have taken to the streets, waving signs with catchy slogans to generate support and garner votes.

The latest ad to hit the airwaves seeks to instill fear among parents. There is this little girl who comes home from school and tells her mother that she has learned that a prince can marry a prince and a princess can marry a princess. The truth is, there is no law that requires a marriage curriculum to be taught in schools.

I find it interesting how people can have such strong opinions on privacy issues that have no bearing on their lives. Someone I know married their same sex partner over the summer, and I only noticed because they were wearing a wedding band. Thus far, who this person has chosen to love has had no impact upon my life.

We say that marriage is about love, companionship, and finding a life partner. Or something like that. You haven't truly lived a fulfilling life until you get married. Your life is empty until you find someone to share it with. And so on. Yet, if this were the truth, why would we reserve marriage for only certain individuals? Well, I argue that this is about gender equality. Wait a second. How the hell did I jump from privacy to love to gender equality?

Marriage originated as an institution that subordinated women to men. In exchange for household labor and uh, sex, wives depended upon their husbands for well, an identity, economic security, protection, and more. (As recently as the 1990s, some states did not even have laws criminalizing spousal rape) Yes, marriage has been redefined and we try not to think of it as a transfer of property from a father to a husband. Yet, it's still a patriarchal institution. Women are passive and wait for a proposal. Women wear engagement rings, demonstrating that they belong to someone. Women still take their husbands' names. Fathers still give away their daughters on their wedding day. (Oh, and some men ask these fathers for permission to marry their daughters. Some may think it's romantic. I think it's insulting.) Following marriage, there is still a sexual division of labor in the household. Women assume a greater bulk of the household duties, and they are usually the primary caregivers. Most women are still financially dependent upon their husbands. Sure, there may be outliers that think that they have truly equal partnerships. Yet, marriage, as an institution, is still patriarchal (and it's my belief that women are duped into it by diamonds, pretty dresses, and bridal registries- but that's a different subject).

So, now same-sex marriage is turning this patriarchal institution on its head. Some think it's simply wrong. Some believe that it needs to be stopped. And sadly, some are going so far as to seek a constitutional amendment to protect marriage. (uh, from what? Heteros have been screwing it up for years!) If we let gay people get married, we run out of excuses. We run out of reasons to subordinate women simply because they are women. Now we'll have men who will change their names, and women who will get to keep theirs. We'll have men who will assume household and caregiving responsibilities. We'll see that men can cook, clean, and change a diaper (and not just occasionally, but all the time). We'll find out that men are capable and nurturing parents. We'll find out that women can be breadwinners, too. We'll learn that women can be heads of households. Studies have shown that same sex couples are more egalitarian than their hetero counterparts. When we see all of this, we will run out of reasons to justify patriarchy.

Many argue that we should vote no against Prop 8 to guarantee equality for homosexuals. I also argue that we should vote no to guarantee equality for women too.

random thoughts

It has been about 15 years since I was in gymnastics, and I've realized that I can no longer do handstands and bridges like I used to. Tragic. I used to be able to do backbends and backwalkovers, and now I can barely do a handstand against the wall. Yesterday in yoga I learned that I can no longer do these gymnastic-y skills. BUT despite my lack of upper body strength, I can do crow, I am getting more flexible, and I feel my muscles getting stronger everyday. Stay tuned for the day that I can do handstands and bridges again.

I really have nothing exciting to say, but you probably already figured that out. Yesterday, we had our first Race/Ethnicity/Gender group meeting, and I presented my abortion rates paper. I got some good feedback. The next step will be revisions; then I'll send it out to see if it finds a home in some journal.

I made some awesome Sweet and Sour Chicken the other day. Try this recipe. It was so amazingly good; my words just aren't doing it justice.

a chilly beach day

We are headed into our 3rd week, and I've noticed that some of the first year grad students seem to be asking the same question (more or less) over and over again: How do you manage your time? Do you have time to have fun? What do you do for fun? And so on. See, in grad school, you're not supposed to act as if you have all the time in the world. It's like the grad school culture reinforces this idea that we're supposed to work all the time and act as if this is the case.

I'm still trying to figure out how to be productive and manage my time. So far, I've found that being disciplined and being less social around the office has definitely increased my productivity. I try not to work at night, but this guideline tends to go out the window as the end of the quarter nears. And, I try not to work on Friday or Saturday nights, but again, this is only a guideline.

The habits that we develop now will stick with us for the rest of our careers, so I'm trying to develop good ones. After all, I can't put fun and play on hold while I'm in grad school. I took Friday night off for dinner and a movie with a friend. Yesterday was a busy day involving the beach, shopping, food, and Bath and Body Works. I walked around Laguna Beach in the afternoon. It was a bit cool and windy, but it was nice and peaceful and definitely what I needed to recharge. How times have changed: 2 years ago I would have been wearing a bikini at the beach; now, I was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans.

confessions

I have a confession to make: I am losing my cold weather immunity. Hey, it's not like I'm breaking out the scarves, mittens, and coats. It's not that bad, and I hope that it never will be- I'd sooner suffer than wear a scarf in October. Don't get me wrong- I welcome the drop in temperature. Just the other day, I called my dad to complain about the scorching 90 degree days.

I first noticed that I'm losing the cold weather immunity about a month ago. Unlike the 2 previous Septembers, I noticed a slight drop in temperature when the sun went down. I noticed a cooler nighttime air. Sometimes I would forgo the usual skirt and put on a pair of jeans. My roommate (a native New Yorker who's lived here 2 years longer than me) confirmed what I had already suspected: my diminishing tolerance for cold weather. She had gone through a similar experience a couple years ago.

This is embarrassing, but here is further evidence that I'm losing the immunity. I just checked the weekend weather forecast to see if Saturday would be a good beach day. It's supposed to be 66 degrees on Saturday. I was surprised, and I actually thought to myself, "it's going to be cold on Saturday." I cannot believe that I just admitted this. You Minnesotans are probably shaking your head in disappointment and disbelief right now.

a new year

We started classes last week, and it is hard to believe that this is the third year. I have vivid memories of sitting in my core classes during my first year, and I feel like I should be smarter than I feel and know more than I do. Yet, I've learned a lot since then, and with so much more to learn.

I started going to this Level 2 yoga class recently, and I have found so many parallels between yoga and grad school. For starters, despite being in a class, both yoga and grad school are very individualistic experiences. My yoga practice is my own, I move at my own pace, and I'm focused only on myself. Grad school is very similar. Someone once told me that grad school is like a video game: we master one level, and then move on to the next, more challenging level. Yoga is similar. I started in a Level 1 class, and now I've moved on to the Level 1-2 and Level 2 classes. So, back to this Level 2 class with Kelly. She always reminds us that our yoga practice is for us, to move at our own pace, to listen to our own bodies, and to do what we need to do for ourselves. This is a mantra that could very well be bottled up and repeated in grad school.

So many times, we get narrow minded and focus only on the hoops we must jump through to get a Ph.D. This is unfortunate, because by focusing only on qualifying paper 1, 2, and 3, advancement, dissertation, etc., we lose sight of all the important skills necessary to build the foundation to sustain a 40 year career. There is a playing field beyond UCI, and I want to be ready to play in that game.

Success and progress come in many forms, and these are not always a check mark that can be checked off upon completion. When I met with KB and DM last week, we debriefed and discussed the lessons learned from my first qualifying paper. Yes, now I get to check the box, but I've learned that it's more important to think of all the things I learned in the process. If I focused only on the hurdle, I would be losing sight of the skills that I developed- the skills that are the foundation to a successful career. This past year, I learned how to do research, I learned statistics, I learned how to structure an argument, I built professional relationships, and I collected my own data. Yes, I have a lot more to learn, but I'm ready for the challenge of the next level.

By focusing on the big picture, I actually find it comforting to know that the "tough love" critiques from my professors and this "on the job" training are preparing me for an arena larger than UCI. And I always remember: grad school is for me, move at my own pace, listen to myself, and do what I need to do for me.

vanilla vodka and peanut butter

Remember a previous post in which my PB Loco peanut butter was confiscated at the airport? Well, a couple old Minnesota friends sent me another jar, and it arrived in the mail yesterday. Other good news: It is vanilla vodka time. What does this mean? It means that KB and DM have signed off and approved my qualifying paper. And last night, a few of us celebrated with vanilla vodka shots. With whole coffee beans, which TS recommended. Try it sometime- good stuff.