Wednesday, October 22, 2008

the effect of just being

Two posts in one day! It must be your lucky day! Tonight, I went to a CSD (Center for the Study of Democracy) dinner- Jane Mansbridge was our guest tonight. She presented a paper on the role of self interest in deliberative democracy. It was just too philosphical and too full of political theory for me.

Anyway, these dinners are a good chance to socialize with other grad students and professors. You can talk shop, but it's fun when the conversation is informal and not about school. The real value of the evening came from a few kind words from a fellow grad student seated next to me. We talked about our paths to grad school and what brought us here. She used to be a lawyer, and I find it fascinating to learn about those who had these alternate careers prior to grad school.

Like so many others, I decided to go to grad school because I wanted to make a difference. I care so passionately about women's rights, and I always knew that my career would be devoted to empowering women. Many times, I struggle with how much impact my research can really have on society and if it makes a difference. Yet, I think of all those feminist theorists who devoted their lives to changing the way that we think, raising awareness, and challenging the dominant paradigm. I think about how we wouldn't have women's studies departments if those women thought that their written words would not make a difference. And so, I keep going because I can't imagine there being a body of literature that doesn't include race and gender studies. I can't imagine there being this body of knowledge that we just don't know. I can't imagine there not being this challenge to patriarchy and white privilege.

Anyway, back to tonight. I briefly summed up my concern that research may not be the best way for me to work for the advancement of women. You know what she said to me? She said that I make an impact by "just being." She said that if I am in a room full of men, I automatically and subtly shift the mood and conversation, so to speak. She said that when I TA, students see that women of color are grad students and can be professors too. Simply by being, I shift conceptions of who is knowledgeable and who has authority in the classroom. Simply by being, I have the ability to change minds.

I started to understand. On Monday, this guy in my grad seminars said something about "female congressmen." I laughed out loud, bringing this gender exclusive language to everyone's attention. Now I understand what my colleague was saying. Had I not been in this class, I wonder if anyone would have demanded the use of a gender-neutral pronoun. Further, having the mere presence of women in the seminar probably would have been enough to draw attention to the problem with saying "congressman".

All right, I just wanted to share that warm fuzzy with you. My colleague's kind words were just the support and reassurance that I needed.

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