The Grass is Always Greener...

I am bored. Really bored. I just can't be satisfied. You see, during the quarter, I always long for a weekend, a real weekend where I don't have to read and I don't have to write. I have one of those weekends right now, and I am incredibly bored. During the quarter, I would long for these unstructured weekends and a job where I would get real weekends. Well, the grass is always greener on the other side, right? I could be working right now, but I'd rather be bored. Maybe then I'll appreciate the frenzy that is grad school when the spring quarter starts tomorrow.

Yesterday afternoon, I dabbled in some vegan baking. I have 2 friends who are vegan, and they have done wonders in challenging our perceptions of good food and positively exposing friends to good vegan food. They have inspired me to incorporate vegan baking into my repertoire. Below is a recipe from one of my newly purchased cookbooks: Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World. I made Cinnamon Chocolate Cupcakes with a Peanut Butter Buttercream.

I have learned that vegan baking is painless, and it tastes so good. Seriously good. I told my friends that I probably won't become a vegan or even a vegetarian again, but I am definitely a more conscious eater.

Operation Chocolate Chip Cookies: Trial 2

Okay, so here's my second chocolate chip cookie trial. These cookies are good; they're chewy, moist, and soft. Now, most chocolate chip cookie recipes call for equal amounts of brown and sugar. For this recipe, I increased the brown sugar to white sugar ratio. I also added coconut for texture. To ensure soft cookies, I added the baking soda (alone) after I creamed the sugars with the butter and egg and before I added the flour, salt, and baking powder. (I read about this technique on a blog, so I gave it a try) Also, it seems that chocolate chip cookie recipes call for baking soda and not baking powder, but I have been adding a little of both just so the cookies rise and don't get too thin. I have about 5 more cookie recipes to try, so that will keep me busy...along with school, of course.

I have finally finished the pillow for Heidi and Katie!

Operation Chocolate Chip Cookies: Trial 1

I mentioned in an earlier post that I am on a mission to make the best chocolate chip cookies. So, last night was the first trial of this mission. The recipe is from the O-side family, who got the recipe from the Betty Crocker cookbook. These cookies were quick and easy to make. They tasted a bit bland, but they were light and buttery. The bottoms were a little dark, but that's my fault and the recipe isn't to blame. Last night I went into a baking frenzy and made oatmeal cookies, blondies, and chocolate chip cookies.

So what makes for a good chocolate chip cookie? Well, have you ever walked into a bakery or a coffee shop and seen these mouth watering chocolate chip cookies? They are absolutely gorgeous-- these lovely, golden brown cookies. Anyway, this happens to me a lot, but I always know that these cookies will not taste as good as they look. So, I am on a mission to bake cookies that are chewy, pack some punch, and are aesthetically pleasing. As an avid baker, I have become a bit of a snob; store bought baked goods just aren't appealing, and I know that I can do better. Of course, my friends appreciate this snobbery as they are the eager taste testers of all my treats!

Happy (belated) Easter!

Happy Easter! I spent the weekend in Oceanside. We had an Easter morning brunch, and then I spent the afternoon sunbathing at the beach. It was fantastic, and I was able to appreciate the beautiful weather more so after having heard that there was snow in Minnesota.

My TA duties are officially over for the winter quarter. Today we met with MW to go over final grades and submit them to the registrar. I will miss TAing for MW- he was the first professor that I TAed for and he showed me the ropes. It seems that no two professors are alike with respect to their expectations of their TAs. Some are more high maintenance and others are pretty laid back. MW is definitely a hands off professor. Even though he prepares weekly discussion questions for us, we have the latitude to tweak his questions and tailor the sections to the needs of our students. MW checks in with us to make sure things are going okay, but he doesn't micromanage us.

This week is our spring break. I'm trying to rest up and get ready for another quarter. Okay, I must go out and enjoy another beautiful day!

Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda

Last night my friends and I were at Gina's, our usual stomping grounds on Thursday nights for pizza and half price pitchers. We were sitting outside on the patio. Behind us were 2 tables. Sitting at one were 2 white men, and sitting at the other were 2 Asian men. My friends and I were paying no attention until we suddenly heard a loud noise. I looked behind me to see one of the white men walking away from the table with the Asian men. There was beer splashed on the ground, and the man muttered something about smoking. Until this point, my friends and I were oblivious to any of these activities. It turned out that the Asian men were smoking, and the white men were telling them to stop. There was a language barrier, and clearly the Asian men did not understand. Now, I was sitting very close to these tables, we had been at Gina's for a good half hour or so, and none of us could smell cigarette smoke. So, there was this ridiculous altercation about this alleged smoking. The staff had to come out a few times to referee. The Asian men were trying to explain that it was a misunderstanding and that they didn't realize that they weren't allowed to smoke on the patio. The response? The white men told them to "go smoke in Seoul."

Deep inside, I felt this intense anger. Now, I would like to think that I could have been brave enough to stand up for this injustice and expose this blatant racism. Would this have been the right thing to do? Did my silence imply consent? I didn't do anything. I can only imagine what could have happened had I intervened. I could have said something, but should I have said something? What would I have said? In the end, the Gina's staff came out once again, gave gift certificates to all 4 men and sent them on their way.

Last night I was reminded of our racial differences, tensions, and some people's ignorance. I had memories of how my citizenship and my right to belong in the United States have been questioned. How it was assumed that I didn't speak English and that I did speak an Asian language. How people wondered how I could possibly be an American, because aren't Americans supposed to be white? How people wondered where I was really from. How the former president of the UC Regents insisted that I learn to speak Korean. How my competence and intelligence comes into question because of my race.

We try to convince ourselves that we are color blind, but we are not. If the alleged smokers were white instead of Asian, would the 2 white men have bullied them too? If I could do it over again, I would have jumped in the conversation and helped these white men think of all the places in the world that these Asian men could go to smoke. Like France. Or England. I would have used the opportunity to gently and inadvertently point out their hostile racism. This is the easy part: thinking about what I would have said and how it would have played out. Anyway, it turns out that the white men were police officers. I alerted the Gina's staff and informed them of the racial slur. They got their badge numbers and planned to report them. We'll see what happens.

Out of the Slump

Okay, so I've temporarily come out of the slump. Today I had a meeting with BG, one of my professors. I told him that I had to take an incomplete in his class to finish the final paper. Now, FYI, it is not a good idea to ask for an incomplete the day after the final paper is due. Nevertheless, he granted me one. It was a good meeting, but slightly overwhelming. I'm behind on stats, and I'm going to need more stats training to be competitive to publish and when I go on the job market. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had no desire to do either.

I am meeting with the department chair, MP, on Friday. I had a heart to heart with one of my grad-student-mentors, Amy, yesterday (who advised that I talk to MP right away). This is what I told her: I'm a one-trick pony. I care only about women's rights, particularly reproductive rights. I have other things that I care about, like violence against women and same sex marriage, but I'm passionate about reproductive rights. I don't exactly care to learn about anything else. I only care about political science stuff such as voting behavior, social movements, and political participation only as it relates to reproductive rights. I want to make an impact in this area, but I'm not sure that this is how I want to do it. I'm not sure that teaching and doing research is how I want to work to protect reproductive rights. Although research is important, it's a slow process and there is no instant gratification. If there is anything that I am not, it is patient (just ask my mom). Making an impact through research is glacial and behind the scenes-- instead, I think that I want to be on the front lines. Anyway, I'm going to talk to MP to see if what my options are and how to break into public policy work. Don't worry, I'm not throwing in the towel ; I'm just looking to see what else I can do with a PhD that will further my goals.

Today our students took their final exam. I always get attached to my students and feel sad at the end of the quarter. I've gotten to know them, and I've seen them grow. I've spent this quarter pushing them to think outside of the box and challenging them to defend their viewpoints. Even thought I get sad when the quarter ends, I look on the bright side: Next quarter, I will have 65 or so new students to teach about politics. I never doubt that I have an impact on these students. Some may come and go, but I know that some genuinely appreciate my efforts. I know I'm not making revolutionaries, but if I can make politics fun and pain-free, then I've done my job. As my students turned in their exams, I think that they were a bit sad to see me go too. One of my students even gave me a hug (no, it wasn't a guy trying to hit on me). It was one of the nicest things that any student has ever done.

In other news, I'm making squares for Warm Up America! It is this charity that sews together knit squares into afghans for homeless people. Here is a checkerboard square:

Sink or Swim

On Saturday night, my friends and I went to the UCI Men's Basketball game against Cal State Fullerton. We cheered as loudly as we could, but it wasn't enough; we lost 81-66. Nevertheless, our team had never made it so far in the post season. We are sad that the season has ended, but we are excited to cheer on the baseball team this spring.

It's finals week and the quarter is winding down. I've temporarily fallen out of the slump and feel better after having talked to a couple older grad students in the program. Apparently, the slump is not uncommon and many grad students have felt like throwing in the towel during their first few years. In attempts to remedy the slump, I'm going to explore non-quantitative research methods by taking a qualitative methods class next quarter. A weakness of our program is that we do not have a structured research methods sequence. It is extremely frustrating because we are supposed to be "doing research," but I feel ill equipped to do so. Since the quantitative-qualitative divide is so great, the department does not offer any required methods courses because it does not want to seem as though it endorses one method over another. Instead, we "learn" methods (sort of) through reading assigned class readings in our seminars. It's useful, but it still doesn't teach us how to "do" research. So, sometimes it feels like a sink or swim, but I had better learn to swim- and fast.

The 2nd Year Slump

It's the end of the quarter and finals are next week. I'm deep in the 2nd year slump. Apparently, this condition is so common that a phrase has been coined to describe it. To me, being in grad school is like being on a hamster wheel. The work is never ending, and when I take a break, I feel guilty. Anyway, I have felt the slump on and off this year. Most of us are plagued with the nagging feeling that grad school may not be the right path, but for some of us, the nagging feeling is louder and more difficult to ignore. I'm working on my qualifying paper right now, and my adviser is pleased that I seem to be on the right track and moving along just fine in the program. However, there is this nagging feeling inside of me that wonders if academia is the life that I want. I'm not sure if the never ending cycle of teaching, researching, and publishing is the life for me. While teaching and doing research is important, I'm not sure if this is the way that I want to leave my mark on society.

In happy news: I made coconut cupcakes and brownies last week. They put a smile on everyone's faces. Ever seen the movie 'Stranger than Fiction'? Well, there is this character that quit law school to open up her own bakery. Actually, I think she failed out of law school because she spent so much time baking for her study groups. There is this little part of me that wonders if I'd be happy and fulfilled by baking yummy goodies that will put smiles on people's faces. Anyway, I'm on a mission to find the best chocolate chip cookie recipe, so let me know if you have a good one for me to try.

Last night, my friend Chris and I went to see the UCI Men's Basketball team play UC Santa Barbara in the Big West semi final game. We won, so tonight we will be playing Cal State Fullerton in the Big West Championship game. If we beat Fullerton tonight, we will go on to the NCAA tournament, a first for UCI. This is exciting, and one of my current students plays for UCI, so I have a personal connection to the team. Tonight, my friends and I are going up to Anaheim to cheer on the Anteaters. Keep your fingers crossed, and think happy thoughts for UCI!

RIP JOC: December 2, 2006- February 28, 2008

I am sad to report that my red betta fish, Justice O'Connor has passed on. He died sometime on the afternoon of Thursday, February 28th. JOC lived a long and fulfilling life. We had many good times together- moving adventures and play dates with John Roberts. We also had some bad times, too- a near death experience down the garbage disposal. Anyway, JOC was a good fish.

In other news, I will be in Chicago at the beginning of April for the Midwest Political Science Association Conference. I am looking forward to being in Chicago again. I have already purchased a ticket to a Cubs game- very exciting.

We are nearly finished with the quarter, which means that there is a lot to do in so little time!